As with all the processes in which a loved one is lost, grief over the separation of the couple can be very complicated, many people, at the end of a relationship, are invaded by a series of emotions that they do not know how to control, especially if the decision is unilateral or, simply, the other disappears without explanation.
However, the duel of the separation of a couple is very similar to other types of bereavement, this has a great advantage: psychologists have been studying for many decades how to overcome losses, so there are many tools that can help us improve head-on. of a romantic breakup, let’s go further.
- The process of bereavement at the end of a relationship goes through five phases.
- The peculiarity is that they can present the same slightly differently than how they appear when a loved one dies.
- However.
- The basic structure is the same.
So when our partner ends up with us, it’s normal for us to go through five steps:
These phases don’t necessarily have to be the same for everyone, so we could start with anger, then jump into denial and then move on to depression. Another person can get caught between negotiation and depression, jumping from one to the other for a long time. Time.
The key is to remember that all these emotions are perfectly normal, in addition it must be taken into account that when a couple separates, grief appears almost inevitably if there are very strong feelings, so understanding what each phase is can significantly relieve emotional pain.
Let’s look at each one of them
The first phase we go through when we lose a couple is denial; in case of separation, the data subject cannot believe that the relationship is over, so he continues to act as if at any time it was the other. The person will return.
Depending on the person this can happen in different ways, for some the breakup seems to be nothing more than a normal and recurring fight, in these cases the interested party believes that reconciliation will take place in a short time. For others, however, it will be obvious that this is the end, but they believe that with a little effort they will be able to recover their ex-partner.
If you think you’re at this stage, you should start looking at what happened head-on, denying reality will only bring you more long-term suffering.
Once the person accepts that the relationship is over, feelings of hostility and anger often appear, which play a fundamental role: they allow the emotional pain to be less intense.
Some of the typical thoughts of this step are
However, this mental dialogue hides large amounts of resentment and pain, to advance the grieving process it is necessary to understand that the expareja is an ordinary person, who acts only in the best way he knows. only with this understanding that it is possible to dilute anger and move on to the next phase.
During the negotiation, the person in mourning tries to win back the ex-partner in all possible ways, so romantic gestures, pleasures or even emotional blackmail may appear, especially in people with a certain type of personality, such as histrionics or depressives.
The only way to overcome this step is to accept that the ex-pair does not return, only then will it be possible to move on to the next phase of the duel.
During this phase, the person finally accepts that his ex will not return, however, the process of overcoming the duel of separation is not yet complete, in the stage of depression prevails the belief that you cannot live without the other person.
Therefore, some of the most common thoughts at this point are
The messages that the person sends to himself are, for the most part, irrational thoughts. To end up overcoming pain, we must accept that it is possible to be well without the other, and that losing this relationship is not so terrible.
The final stage of grief occurs when the person finally accepts what happened, and realizes that he does not need the other to be well, at this point the affected person can remake his life and even start a new relationship in a healthy way. .
The time it takes to go through the five phases of separation duel depends on each person. If you’re coming to an end right now, you have to be patient with yourself. The key is that you move slowly and actively working towards your recovery. .