It may seem incredible, but in recent decades a social mandate has gradually emerged that forces us to be happy above all, not wanting to suffer has become an order to which many people adhere without realizing what that entails.
Today, many are already talking about the “dictatorship of happiness” or pointing out, as analyst Ima Sachs says, that “happiness has become an instrument of torture. “Paradoxically, depression has never been more common. One way or another, not wanting to suffer has become a huge source of suffering.
- Many people have a sincere aversion to what we call “negative.
- “They don’t want anyone to talk about their suffering.
- That no one regrets or shows signs of pessimism.
It’s like we’re all in a big room where pain is forbidden, as if, as a result, we’re no longer human. In a way, not wanting to suffer is not wanting to live.
“Perhaps suffering and love have a capacity for redemption that men have or at least have abandoned. “Martin Luther King?
Few people would consciously say they want to feel pain. Something else is happening on the unconscious plane. Man is the only being who stumbles a thousand times with the same stone and walks blindly into situations that make him suffer, but that’s another story.
The point to be addressed here is this tendency to denial, pain is not something chosen, it is an intrinsic part of life, trying to deny, flee or ignore this fact will not make us happier, on the contrary, this may be the beginning of a pain much harder to overcome.
The most disconcerting thing about this current desire not to suffer is that it is a kind of invitation to simulation. Ask yourself, “How are you?” and you’re in a bad position, you’re bound to lie. Your answer should always be “Okay. “
Some say you may end up convincing yourself that you’re okay, even if you feel bad. However, if you answer :?Bad. Do I suffer ?, Many people walk away from you as if you had the plague.
Psychoanalyst Luis Hornstein says that many people come to his office with similar patterns of suffering: excessive dependence on others, serious confusion of values, significant heights and lows of self-esteem, difficulty establishing healthy relationships, etc.
We are no longer in Freud’s time, when people with exotic and very particular diseases arrived at the clinic, even suffering has been standardized in today’s world.
The desire not to suffer was also standardized, so many people come to the office to stop suffering, not to understand the meaning of their suffering and learn to face it.
Therefore, by not achieving the impossible, they end up abandoning psychotherapy and immerse themselves in blind love, an invasive obsession or evasive cynicism.
We must not forget that we all need suffering to grow, emotional pain is what allows us to mount impossible fantasies and learn to manage limitations and losses.
Limitations and losses are constant from the moment we were born to death. We learn to outdo ourselves when we face suffering, not when we are saved from it.
Happiness is something that goes far beyond a one-off achievement or a moment of euphoria, it’s much more than those little positive phrases made for every occasion.
We can be happy when we learn to make the most of each of our experiences, when we learn to trust what we can face, with our ups and downs.
The greatest happiness is to be, not to look, it is distinguished by the attitude that accompanies it. It is a serene attitude, which speaks of inner peace, of balance, is not a constant fact, but a permanent work that takes a more constructive perspective.
We are a little happier when we accept that we are also vulnerable, insecure and constrained. Not wanting to suffer is the opposite of being happy.
To deny suffering is to deny yourself and to give up the growth that every pain brings with it to teach us to be better and better.