When it comes to romantic love, we usually add a note of color to show how wonderful everything is, we usually talk about the benefits of having a partner, how good it is to be loved and understood, of course that romantic love has positive effects on the person and his life in society, but we must also take into account a series of losses for anyone in that relationship.
Today, romantic love is lived in a way that prevents the person from having other intimate relationships (although it is not romantic relationships), in addition, loses its autonomy, independence and personal freedom, on the other hand there are discussions and jealousy or the understanding that the other is not as involved in the relationship as you are, which can destroy the bond between the couple.
- “When two people are under the influence of the most violent.
- Foolish.
- Deceptive and fleeting passions.
- They are forced to swear that they will remain in that excited.
- Abnormal and mad state until death separates them.
- “George Bernard Shaw?.
The fact is that romantic love, as we understand it in our society, is full of paradoxes, which generate considerable tension.
? Desire and possession: is there any desire ?, not only sexual desire, disappears once satisfied, that is, we can enjoy the other even if there is no desire, which is one of the engines of passion. Romantic desire, passion increases, while diminishing if we can consume it easily.
? Altruism with the couple and biological selfishness: socially we are taught that we must be altruistic with the couple, that we sacrifice for each other and that we give ourselves completely, this clashes with the evolutionary mechanisms that affect the search for pleasure and the search for pleasure. maximisation of the probabilities of genetic transmission, that is, with our instincts.
? Idealization and reality: the idealization of the other is one of the pillars of romantic love, since it represents the source of expectations of passion and desire for intimacy, the fact is that as the relationship strengthens, this idealization disappears because we already know the reality of the other person.
? Passion and coexistence: this is one of the most conflicting contradictions, because after a while living with the same person, passion gradually decreases, but sociocultural norms tell us that we must form a stable partner when we feel passion, and that it must last for years.
? Commitment and independence: people want security. We seek a commitment to unity and support and want exclusivity. But at the same time, we want to be autonomous and free, so that our independence is maintained. As you can imagine, combining the two needs is very difficult and directly influences the satisfaction of the romantic relationship.
? Loyalty and desire for novelty: human beings have impulses that guide them to the new, even if it is forbidden, that is, even infidelity. Over time, we are attracted to other people and this directly violates the social norm of sexual exclusivity for the rest of our lives. This rule is entirely cultural, as it does not occur in other animal species or in all human societies.
Neither with you nor without you
my suffering is curable.
Because you’re killing me.
And without you I die?
? Antonio Machado?
In addition to these paradoxes, romantic love involves a number of myths, beliefs that come from the cultural legacy of our society and can be absurd, false or impossible, and have become very difficult beliefs to achieve because of our biological, psychological and social factors. .
? The myth of half the orange: the belief that our partner is the only and best possible choice, is the companion or companion who has been predestined to us.
? The myth of exclusivity: the belief that you can only feel romantic love for one person.
? The myth of coexistence: the belief that a romantic relationship should lead to a stable partner.
? The myth of omnipotence: the belief that obstacles do not separate the couple, because love?Can you do anything?.
? The myth of sustainability: the belief that the passion for principles must last forever, despite living together.
? The myth of fidelity: the belief that the couple must satisfy all their desires.
? The myth of free will: it is the belief that sociological, biological and cultural factors do not influence our loving feelings.
? The myth of equivalence: the belief that if someone is not madly in love it is because they no longer love their partner.
? The myth of marriage: the belief that throughout the history of the human species, we tend to form pairs by nature.
? The myth of jealousy: the belief that those who really love are jealous.
The thing is, romantic love can have several negative effects. These paradoxes and myths can be incorporated into our relationships so that they cause problems between couples, ranging from fleeting discussions and discomfort to other more dramatic topics.
It is obvious that the corresponding love can be one of the foundations of our happiness and our health, moreover, if this love is not returned, we miss it or we are abandoned, it can have many negative consequences for us, so it is interesting and important to know and work on marriage both the paradoxes and the myths of romantic love.
Images courtesy of Toa Heftiba, Matheus Ferrero and Clem Onojeghuo