The father who soothes the baby’s crying, cradles him in his lap, changes his diapers and teaches him the first words, doesn’t he, the mother plays the most wonderful and responsible role of her life: that of fatherhood. It is certainly a hidden trap of language, in which we often fall and which must be transformed.
These days, and to our surprise, we continue to hear a lot of people say aloud the classic phrase “Does my partner help me with homework?”Or “I help my wife take care of the children. “It is as if the tasks and responsibilities of a home and family have a value, a sex-related feature and that has not yet evolved in the way we think.
- The figure of the father is as relevant as that of the mother.
- However.
- It is clear that the newborn’s first attachment during the first few months focuses on the maternal figure; today.
- However.
- The classic image of the parent whose goal is iron authority and basic support in the home is no longer sustainable and must be invalidated.
We must put an end to the outdated patriarchal system in which tasks are sexualized in pink and blue in order to achieve real change in our society, in order to achieve this, we must achieve a change in the private sphere of our homes and, above all, in our language.
Because the father does not help, he is not someone who misses the house and facilitates the work of his partner from time to time, a father is someone who knows how to be present, who loves, who cares and who takes responsibility for what gives meaning to his life: his family.
What we all know is that mothers’ brains go through incredible changes when creating a baby. Pregnancy itself, breastfeeding, as well as the task of caring for the child on a daily basis, promote brain restructuring for adaptive purposes. It’s an impressive thing. In addition to increased oxytocin, neural synapses change to increase sensitivity and perception so that a woman can recognize her baby’s emotional state.
But is he a mere biologically immune spectator to such an event?Nothing like that. Men’s brains change too, and they do it in a spectacular way. According to a study by the Gonda Brain Science Center at Bar-Ilan University, if a man plays a key role in caring for his baby, he undergoes the same neuronal change. Like a woman.
Thanks to several images of the brain, taken in studies in heterosexual and homosexual parents, it could be seen that the activity of their tonsils was 5 times more intense than normal, this structure is linked to the danger alert and greater sensitivity to the emotional world of babies.
Thus, and this fact may surprise everyone, the level of oxytocin that secretes a parent who plays the role of primary caregiver is the same as that of a woman who also fulfills her role as a mother, all this reveals something we already knew: one the father can relate to her children on the same emotional level as the mother.
There are parents who do not know how to be present, there are toxic mothers, wonderful parents who raise their children alone and extraordinary mothers who leave indelible marks on the heart of their children, raising a child is a challenge, something that not everyone is prepared for and that many others face as the most rewarding challenge of their lives.
With this in question we want to clarify one thing: good fatherhood and good motherhood do not concern the sexes, but people; In addition, each couple is aware of their own needs and will perform their creative and attention tasks according to their characteristics. That is, it is the couple the same who establishes the sharing and responsibilities of the home according to the availability of each one.
Reaching agreements, being accomplices and making it clear that childcare is a mutual and non-exclusive responsibility will create a favorable harmony in which the child will grow in happiness, because above all it will be an excellent example.
Similarly, in addition to the great effort that each family makes in their own home, society must also be sensitive to the type of language that feeds sexist labels and stereotypes.
Mothers who follow their careers and fight for a place in society are not “bad mothers” or neglect the care of their children. On the other hand, parents who bottle-feed, who seek medicines for their babies’ colic, who go to buy diapers or who bathe children every night do not help: they exercise their paternity.