What a ridiculous idea, doesn’t it seem so impossible?That the idea itself cannot be supported. Never see you again, never hug you again, never hear the ringtone I’ve selected for you on my mobile phone again, don’t get involved in your smell, or how you ask, that only you know, wherever you go. before, I could only smile with that melody.
My hands are shaking, my legs are beating, my heart moans with drowning pounding the hollow, the ground slips, the air is still, my lungs are empty, I can no longer feel the air shaking the corners of my shirt, the words have stuck in my stomach, I can’t scream or run I stay calm, like the rest of the world Frozen.
- I close my eyes.
- The first memory appears.
- Which quickly amazes me.
- The anguish of creating more was born.
- I embrace this need as one who gets on the tram whose path ends in the middle of the precipice and knows it.
- Head.
- There’s the idea of waking up from that dream where I accidentally fell.
- Taking a step and falling.
Chills and stones keep falling into the backpack on my back. The tendons are tighter and so are my muscles. My knees fail and, before I know it, I’m on the ground. I bend down and hope the pain comes. Come on, come on, take me with you, take me down. How ridiculous is the idea of never seeing you again.
The palms of my hands sink and gradually the nails sink into the rain-soaked sand, which once attacked soaks the knots of the hands so as not to appear strangled. My elbows bend, my fists close and the water passes through my fingers. My eyes open again and they only see the darkness that has formed with my body, that where that ridiculous idea of never seeing you was never locked up.
Anne approaches, I notice her footsteps. I want to push it back and all I do is stretch my body further. I sn lock my eyes, because now it’s the tears that wet the earth. Somewhere in my head there’s an order: go, go. It’s a very remote place, place because Ana doesn’t listen to me and kisses me, kisses me hard, with the strength that only a five-year-old girl can embrace.
The need to protect our daughter conflicts with the idea of never seeing you again. In the end, I submit to your embrace, I do it subconsciously. Her grip loses strength, I drop aside and she falls on top of me. I release this ridiculous idea of never seeing you again, and now it is I who embrace you with the strength that they give me every year you have passed by me; as the pain begins to get so great that the brain rebels and begins to numb me.
It’s a morphine that goes down my throat, I understand why it drowns me and won’t let me breathe.
“Dad, Mom’s not gone. It’s ridiculous never to see her again
What’s this girl going to know? Your vivid image. I’m happy for her, because she still has faith, because the idea seems even more ridiculous to her than I think. Here he is, challenging the future with no idea of the pain to come. a few moments I cling to his ignorance and this lie makes the air less dense, the water colder.
When I get up, I know that this ridiculous idea will condemn us to be united forever, with a bond that goes beyond genetics. I get up, take it in my arms and walk slowly. The first steps of a long road that I’m still following. I don’t understand; part of me is still waiting for the pain to come, another part caresses that salty face that is part of the immense legacy that left me.
Lying on your side of the bed, I’ll give you your pillow, let her fine touch welcome her I look at her and sing her a lullaby that keeps ringing in the distance for me, but I think she listens to her because with her hands she grabs one of mine and caresses the wrinkles left by the water, before falling asleep.