“If he’s jealous, is it because he loves you? These are phrases that I’m sure we’ve heard or even said.
However, jealousy does not show love as we have been led to believe, but is actually an emotional response to the fear of losing something that we are convinced belongs to us and for which we have great affection.
- Jealousy is a call for attention that informs us of the danger of losing the affection of your loved one for the presence of another person.
- Usually accompanied by a feeling of abandonment and exclusion.
- Causing a very painful situation.
- On the other hand.
- If we learn to treat and understand it properly.
- Jealousy can be very rewarding for those who feel it.
We can feel it for many things, but are jealousy often related to areas where the person feels safer?For example, to think that someone else would give your partner everything you’d like to have and not have. the rival, therefore, is not someone of “flesh and blood”, but the image of what you want to be, have or do.
Jealousy is given not only in a relationship (although this is the most typical case), but also between brothers, cousins, friends, family, companions, etc. That is why this feeling, present in all cultures for thousands of years, is part of songs, myths, legends, books and, of course, scientific research.
If we abandon the perception that the other is our heritage, jealousy would not exist, it is simple. The human being, by his very nature, has evolved in a context in which he appropriates everything around him, we get something because we love him, because it makes us feel good, we appreciate it and we want it to be available when we want it.
In the specific case of couples, where there are more cases of jealousy, the feelings and opinions of both must prevail, this means that it is necessary to maintain a balance in the relationship, we cannot pretend that the other is an object that does everything. we want, when, as and where we want.
In the words of V. de Miguel: “Sometimes an excessive concern for the couple implies the need to control it, and this is more related to possession than to love”. Ask at every moment where he is, if he’s come from work. What are you doing and overprotecting it? It can be an unconscious way to chain you by our side.
Not to think that your loved one belongs to us does not mean that we love him less, but quite the opposite, since we have no right to the other person, he has the ability to do what he wants, every member of the relationship needs autonomy. , a satisfying part of your own life to enjoy it as you see fit and make them both grow in bond.
Do you think there is a greater show of love than allowing the person we have with us to be happy and entitled to do what we want?
It is at this point that we think: “If I” go, I do whatever you want of course, you will deceive me or behave as you should not. The most important reason or cause of jealousy is the fact that we do not value ourselves, and it depends on each of us.
The excessive fear of losing the person we love indicates that we are not satisfied with ourselves and that we believe we need someone to do so.
The important thing is to go directly to the root of what generates it, the destructive rejection directed against ourselves. It is normal for all of us to have parts of ourselves that we do not like or do not want to improve; the problem begins when we destructively reject these parts of us and, instead of transforming them, hurt them more with our thoughts and actions.
Don’t believe this “I’m jealous because I love you” story
If your partner controls each of your movements, criticizes the way you dress or dictate how you should go to each place, you’re asked to spend more time alone when that’s all they do, so they spy on each other while texting each other, if you like. nervous when you go to work and apologize for staying home, or come back from somewhere, do you have to undergo some kind of interrogation?If so, maybe it’s time to discuss the degree of jealousy and how things are going between you.
Well, they say there’s no cure for pathological jealousy, but what you can do is keep them from getting worse. Talk about it, make the person understand that it is not normal and help them understand that trust is very important in a relationship, if they are both working to improve this situation they will certainly succeed.
Accepting the feelings we feel and trying to understand them, talking to your loved one, is a good solution.