We often hear that to have a good relationship the most important thing is good communication, and that is true, but in the end everyone will give their own interpretation of this sentence, some will think that they are talking enough with their partners and others will. think about what they have to say.
Communication goes beyond talking or not talking, or how much we talk, it has more to do with what you say and how you say it.
- Most of the mistakes we usually make when communicating with couples are related to not being able to express yourself correctly or out of disrespect for yourself or someone else:.
? We impose our judgment on the belief that our point of view is better than that of our partners.
? We frequently express defects and claims of the partner, sometimes in an exaggerated way.
? We want the other person to be the way we want them to be
? We are not interested in the opinions or beliefs of our partner.
? We don’t let our partner express themselves.
? We assume what he’s going to say and we interrupt him constantly
? We manipulate to get what we want.
? We’re right even if we don’t agree.
The result of this behavior pattern can weaken the relationship at the endpoint in many cases.
Whether we are aggressive, passive or manipulative in our communication, there is a common ground called assertiveness accessible to all.
Assertiveness is just a form of expression in which you seek respect for yourself and others.
Express thoughts, feelings and how to see the world through words or gestures, calmly and appropriately, wanting to know the feelings and thoughts of others to better understand them.
Chances are you’ll appreciate certain qualities or actions of your partner, something about their appearance, their temperament, something they say or do, whatever, express it verbally or otherwise it’s good for both of them, as they’ll both feel better.
Our environment would improve considerably if, instead of complaints or criticisms, there were more expressions of appreciation.
For example: isn’t that the same to say? I’d like to tell you that, even if I don’t think so, I’m very attentive to the effort you’re making to help me and support me, it feels good. Thank you for everything. ?, What to say, “If you want to help, do it right !?
Your partner may also express their appreciation. Don’t doubt your sincerity, just because you don’t believe doesn’t mean the other person doesn’t think. Accept these demonstrations naturally, a simple one? Thank you, that’s enough.
For example, I can tell you: how beautiful you are. And you end up answering, yes, with that hair?Don’t forget to doubt your sincerity, just say “thank you. “
Consider the fact that you responsibility to say? It’s not just yours and say yes when you mean no, it’s not sincere and hurts your feelings.
You have the right to reject requests without feeling guilty or selfish, remember that you do not reject the person, only the request, although there may be a lack of understanding on the part of your partner.
For example: it’s not the same to say, “I understand that you want us to go to this meeting, but right now I don’t want to. What’s it like to reluctantly go to a place where you’re probably going to have a bad time at the end.
A very common mistake is waiting for the couple to do something without telling them at any time. We all have the right to express what we want, but if we don’t, we will have to understand that others have no way of guessing, even if they know each other well, if you really want something, express it correctly.
For example, it’s not the same to say, “I’d like us to go for a walk in the afternoon, what do you think?”What about being frustrated internally because your partner never has the idea of going for a walk?.
Make it clear what you think or feel. Be positive or negative, but always respectful of each other. There’s no better way for your partner to understand than by showing your emotions. “That’s what I think, “I’m mad at you because, ” I’m afraid. “The accumulation of emotions can cause us to explode at some point.
For example, it’s not the same to say, “Whenever you’re late I worry, I’d like you to consider that in case it happens again, be sure to let me know. What to blame the other, hide our emotions” and say, “You’re always late!Every time you go out, it’s the same story!?
It’s very easy to get carried away with anger and blame your partner when you feel bad, so to avoid confrontations that don’t lead to anything the best thing is:
Ask questions instead of accusations. How could this be: “Are you listening to me?”, Instead of directly accusing and saying, “Once again, you are not listening to me !?”
Comment on what your partner is doing without qualifying for example:?Have I noticed that lately you’ve forgotten your clothes lying on the bed after you change?Instead of:? You’re a mess, every time you change your clothes, you leave the room a mess.
Avoid generalizations as usual or never For example, it’s best to say, “Lately you don’t take out the trash. “What to say, “You never take out the trash?”
I think, I feel, I want, what do you think, how it looks, how can we solve this, would you like?
Maintaining strong communication with your partner does not guarantee the absence of discussions and problems, but it facilitates a mutual understanding and respect that will gradually be profiled. You will always have this option at your fingertips, choose it.