We are in a world where children behave more and more like adults and adults as children, so the phenomenon of the symmetrical child could be summarized colloquially, this is a theory developed by the Argentine psychologist Claudia Messing, author of the book How children feel and think today (How children think and feel today).
The symmetrical child phenomenon, also known as mirror child theory, is based on the clinical findings of Messing, who points out that children are increasingly difficult to contain, much more difficult than before and have fewer psychological resources to carry out their individualization process. In addition, they repeat their parents’ dysfunctional patterns, according to the author.
- “There are only two lasting legacies we can leave to our children.
- One is the roots.
- The other the wings.
- -Hodding Carter-.
For this psychologist, the symmetrical child phenomenon finds its roots in new styles of creation. In the latter, there is no coherent exercise of authority or a clear definition of maternal, paternal and subsidiary roles. A kind of rampant democracy has been imposed, stirring up family hierarchies and in which everyone ends up looking like equals, when they are not.
The main characteristic of the symmetrical child is that she is a very difficult person to contain, she thinks she is right all the time, thinks she is totally sure of what she wants and hates being forced to do so.
In addition, she gives little credit to adults because she believes they have nothing to contribute, they do not see them more informed, nor more experienced, nor anything else, for her they are simply her equals.
Children of this kind also have difficulty maintaining a relationship with other children, as they are fundamentally confrontational and competitive, have a weak capacity for empathy because they feel that the world is how they see it and not otherwise.
Similarly, the symmetrical child has great difficulty leaving his parents when he reaches adulthood, not because he has a lot of attachment, but because I do not know how to structure an independent life project, his adaptability is low, so he prefers to stick to what is known.
Psychologist Claudia Messing points out that the phenomenon of the symmetrical child encompasses four dimensions: the first is mass imitation or adult copying; the second, parity with the adult; the third, the fantasy of fullness; and the fourth, lack of self-interest. Let’s see what it’s all about.
Mass imitation or adult copying refers to the mirror effect these children have with their parents, they copy them into everything. But why is this becoming a problem?
Because children have unlimited access to adult life and also end up copying the traumas and difficulties of their parents, and also because it leads to the second dimension: parity with the adult.
When we talk about parity with the adult, it is the idea that the adult has no authority over the child, which is an equal, so the child does not have that filter that existed before.
A few years ago the little ones stayed away from adults and knew they couldn’t do everything like them because they were children, today that distance doesn’t exist. Therefore, almost total identification occurs.
It follows from the precedent that the child ends up thinking that everything can, as an adult would, she tries to take on the role of father, giving advice and even orders at home.
She also tries to take the teacher’s place by telling her what to teach and how, however, sooner or later she is faced with the reality that she does not have the tools to do it, it scares her and disturbs her.
What has been described in the previous paragraph is the fantasy of being complete, the child feels independent even if he is not, he thinks that he does not need to learn and that he is not growing, so he is not receptive to the instructions of his parents and teachers, which, in turn, prevents him from going through a process of individualization , that is, a development of his authentic being; she imitates herself, not herself.
According to Dr. Disorder, this situation is overcome only if family roles are restored, parents and children are not the same and those who exercise authority are the eldest.
This authority does not mean authoritarianism, but the validation of their status as a guide and model generator to follow, the child depends economically, emotionally and socially on the parents, this gives parents the power to direct the family structure and this is not negotiable.