Relationships are undoubtedly one of the most important aspects of our lives, perhaps that’s why they’re also the ones who cause us the most headaches, why do most people suffer so many complications in their relationships?One of the main reasons is the power of expectations in relationships.
We all have an idea of what a perfect love story would be. We dream of someone ideal, who is exactly as we would like. Unfortunately, the real world is almost never as perfect as our fantasies.
- So when we start dating someone.
- Our own desires overwhelm us.
- When you compare the other person to an ideal it is almost impossible not to lose.
- So in this article we will explain how to avoid the negative effects of expectations on relationships.
Human beings cause a lot of suffering with our rational minds. Albert Ellis, the father of rational-emotional therapy, said that what causes us pain is not what happens to us, the fault is in what we tell ourselves about what happens to us. .
That way, before we even start a new relationship, we already know exactly what it should be like, when our new sentimental partner denies a little bit of what we expected, he ends up us off.
With this kind of thinking it is not surprising that expectations are so harmful; Also, the problem gets worse because we don’t talk to the other person about what we want them to do, unfortunately it’s common to start seeing someone and wait for that person to guess exactly how they should behave with us.
So when the other person inevitably violates some of our non-explicit rules, we get angry and feel sorry for each other, but does that need to happen?Is there an alternative to this behavior so useless to our well-being?
Here are some tips to keep your expectations from further damaging your romantic relationships.
Sometimes, it seems that we are looking for a loving couple using a shopping list, we have a number of requirements that the other person has to meet and we do not commit to them, the problem is that human beings are rarely perfect, so it is practically impossible for someone to fully meet the expectations of an ideal sentimental companion.
For all this, stop trying to find someone 100% perfect, instead try to enjoy the moment a little more, having expectations is good, but you have to make sure you don’t take them to the extreme, it will only hurt you. .
Does this mean we shouldn’t expect anything from the new sentimental partner?Nothing like that. It’s critical that you know where your own limits are: things that aren’t really negotiable for you. When you find out, you must be able to pass it on to the other person.
In this way, the loving couple will be able to know exactly what really bothers them, this will make it much easier not to hurt you without realizing it, this will make most of the problems found in romantic relationships will not even appear between you.
It’s great that you clearly know what’s non-negotiable for you, however, for the relationship to really work, you also need to find out what your partner’s limitations are. The easiest way to do this is, of course, to ask.
Unfortunately not everyone knows what’s really important to your well-being, so if you see that your romantic partner isn’t able to say what they need and what really bothers them, you’ll have to help them find out.
Only by knowing exactly what these limits are can you avoid the problems created by expectations in common relationships.