The use of indirects can be an original resource in some contexts, however, those who use them in their daily language with their partner, family or friends end up causing tension and suffering, because anyone who says something, but secretly expresses the opposite, distorts the communication process and puts into practice a very subtle type of abuse, especially when it comes to smiting.
We often neglect the power of language, so we end up adopting very dangerous customs. Therefore, we tend to admire who has the ability to use the sharpest sarcasm, who has the curious and undeniable ability to transmit information to us indirectly.
- It is clear that everything depends on the context.
- The situation and the timing.
- However.
- We cannot deny that there are people who adhere to this kind of ineffective.
- Potentially harmful and secret communication.
- Now we have to ask ourselves: if this communication is so bad.
- Why do we use it?.
There are two main reasons: the first, which we have already suggested, is that it is original; the second is because it is a communicative way in which the speaker protects themselves, this will always include the idea of ‘I didn’t mean that’.
Indirects, as we know, are rarely pleasant, because through play and language manipulation one thing expresses something that can mean another, perhaps in some contexts, such as seduction, this game can be fun, but there are many others in which it is not. .
“The tendency to aggression is an innate disposition of the human being. “Sigmund Freud
The use of indirects is very characteristic in passive-aggressive people, they are profiles accustomed to using subtle insults, blaming or ignoring when things do not go as planned, although it is true that we can all use the indirect at an opportune time. in a context of play and relaxation, it is important to know when it is not appropriate to use this type of resource.
Psychology professor James K. McNulty of the University of Florida classifies this dynamic as indirect hostility; it is a lack of deliberate communication in which there is a lack of coherence between what is said and what is intended to be communicated; In addition, there is contempt and in fact it is common for the use of indirect language to be accompanied by very revealing nonverbal language, identifying looks, gestures and attitudes that convey different emotions, such as anger, conflict or contempt.
Most of the time our nonverbal communication is much more sincere than verbal, so the person receiving the indirect processes the message of the gaze and even the tone of the voice more than the words themselves, the effect is immediate. And if these dynamics are constant in the relationship or between parents and children, in which case the hints have the weight of contempt or mockery, there are situations of psychological abuse.
Therefore, it is a type of perverse communication with serious consequences for the victim.
Professor McNulty, mentioned above, is an important expert in the field of emotional relationships, for example, in a 2016 study, he identified which types of communication strategies are most appropriate among couples, strategies that can also help us resolve disputes and conflicts.
One of these features is to avoid double-link messages at all costs. This term, coined by anthropologist Gregory Bateson, defines the use of indirect or ambiguous messages that boycott and stifle affection and, above all, respect. It is necessary not to use these linguistic resources, but what if we receive them daily ?, how do we react to someone who speaks to us in this way?
Let’s look at some strategies
Demand effective communication. Every time we receive a clue, we must demand that they provide us with clear information. What if they tell us we’re not enough because we don’t understand, we can demand to have someone?During communication.
In conclusion, while it is true that indirect ones can be tolerated (and even appreciated) at certain times, it should be remembered that there are situations in which they are not recommended, emotions, especially negative ones, require sincere language. .
“A single word can kill or humiliate without getting your hands dirty. “- Pierre Deproges-