Sometimes people don’t do a favor unless they do business with you, the problem is that they don’t say it openly, on the contrary, they make help an act of generosity and when you least expect them to play face to face. how they did this or that for you. Or worse: impose obligations you’ve never committed to assume.
Whoever does this hides behind a false concept of gratitude, believes that in all favors the commitment to return them is implied, never tries to find out if the other person also thinks so, presents himself only to charge you or expects him to do something for them, even without being asked; otherwise, they get angry and show victimism.
“He who does a favor to those who deserve it, recovers it” – Aurelio Theodosio Macrobio-
Finally, you realize that the favor was not a favor, but a trap, in those cases this help sets up a control and manipulation mechanism, which the other will activate whenever it pleases, what turns this aid into a trap is that it is a kind of contract that you have never signed. Whoever did you a favor signed in your place too.
There are contexts in which it is clear that if someone is doing you a favor you are indebted, the political context, for example, is one of them. Or also in the workplace: when you cover a partner, you expect him to do the same for you when the time comes. In both examples, there is one factor that makes this equation transparent: they are favors between people united by a practice, unknown or emotional connection.
Commercial favors are established between people who do not have to sustain naturally, so it is obvious that if a favor is done it is out of interest, there are no traps. This is not to say that there can be no favors between foreigners, you can help those who need it in principle or simply because you want to do it now.
When there is a closer relationship, involving stronger affection or bonds, favor and gratitude, in principle, should be completely free. You help your family, partner or partner, or even a friend, because you want to and because it makes you feel good when you do that, you feel satisfaction. There is no mental book in which the favor is recorded as a debt to be recovered, if you do that don’t say it’s a favor, say it’s a negotiation.
Unfortunately, there are many people who act as if they have written down all the favors they have already done, and worst of all, they charge how and when they want, even if an explicit agreement has never been reached with the other person, in all circumstances it may seem that they charge you for the favor they have given you.
Worse, when you have to pay the favor by enduring the abuse and violence of those who did, it’s not uncommon for aggressive and conflicting people to also try to be “generous” to others. They’re doing you a favor, then they get angry, explode or get hysterical, if you don’t say anything, everything’s fine. If you say something, they’ll give you the favor they’ve sent you, so they charge: with impunity for what they do, even sexual abuse is sometimes based on a chain of favors.
It is also common for the corresponding and non-corresponding favors to be part of the discourse of victimized persons, a common trait of those who sympathize with themselves is just that: the person has an extensive inventory, in which he recorded all that and also, certainly, all the details of the occasions when no various favors have been made , which helps them maintain their basic sophysma: they are the victims versus others.
A popular maxim says that a favor, to be a favor, must depend on ingratitude. In essence, this statement is entirely valid. The favor is the fruit of generosity, of the awareness that every human being in need must receive the help of those who can help, the payment of any favor is the satisfaction felt by the one who does it. He who gives, shows capacity, and power, in the best sense of the word. What else do you want?