Those who are no longer here sleep deep in our hearts. But many of these absences remain chasms of pain in our memory: because they left us helpless to say goodbye, if they passed without a “I love you”, or without time. This vital anguish makes it difficult, in many cases, for the proper grieving process.
Death should be like a farewell on the platform of a train, where people have a short period of time during which they can have one last word, where they can give strong hugs and let go calmly, even with a sorry heart, with full confidence. that everything will be all right. However, none of this is possible.
- Those who have left us absent.
- Do we keep them with every beat of our hearts.
- Rest in our minds.
- And strengthen each day by honoring them with our smiles?.
Anne Morrow Lindberg, a famous writer and aviator of the early 20th century, explains in her biography that pain, contrary to what many believe, is not universal. Suffering is a very personal, profound and unique thing that only the person himself can understand to gradually initiate a slow process of inner reconstruction.
Because death doesn’t know goodbyes, and it’s something we discover and assume sooner or later.
They often say that the only positive aspect of terminal illness is that, in a way, they allow the person to assume or even prepare a termination process; however prepared the family is for this moment or for this detachment, there are times when, far from being relieved, they live as traumatic.
However, the ones that have left us without asking permission or saying goodbye are undoubtedly the absences that pose the most difficulties when starting our process of overcoming throughout the 5 steps theorized by Kobler-Ross. The habit is to be trapped in sentimientos. de disbelief and denial, until it reaches, at worst, a state of vital disorganization marked by anger or chronic depression.
The unexpected death of a loved one involves more than an intense emotional impact, loss leaves many things open, unanswered questions, unsent words, ungrateed regrets, and the desperate need to be able to say goodbye. The answers to all this will be within us, and this is where we must take refuge for a certain time to find, in a certain way, calm, relief and acceptance.
Jim Morrison once said that people tend to be more afraid of pain than death, when in fact it is death itself that finally relieves pain. However, the famous singer of the band?The doors?Have you forgotten something fundamental, because after death another kind of suffering begins: that of family, friends, spouses?
What we have to be very clear about from the beginning is that each person will live their pain in a personal and special way, there is no time or strategy that works for everyone in the same way, besides, this pain that so paralyzes at first, makes the breath fail and even causes the soul to fall in the first days, weeks or months , eventually softens. Why, even if it seems almost impossible, we survive.
Those who have left us so many empty questions, unanswered, unsosured words and without this much-desired farewell will not return, it is something that we must assume, accept and face, now something that can relieve us is to remember that person loved. much and that this love was mutual.
The wound of loss, this painful and unexpected absence, will heal over time, despite creating voids that can sometimes never be filled, believe it or not, our brain is programmed to overcome all adversity, by this almost innate instinct to keep moving forward. . Survive.
All we have to do is take care of ourselves and be attentive to our needs, as if we were going to recompose a delicate piece of fragmented porcelain, we will rejoin all the pieces with the good memories that honor the loved one and with this. Matter that loves are never forgotten, the most sincere and unforgettable affection and this emotional legacy that will serve as the basis for us to be much stronger and braver tomorrow.