There are many realities that resemble love, but are not, are situations that give rise to close and generally lasting bonds, but deep down there is no real affection, but a set of limitations or problems that maintain the link.
True love is characterized by mutual growth, which implies generosity and freedom. The more it promotes the autonomy of actors, the more real it is, this includes all forms of love: love of mother, father, partner, etc.
- “There is no disguise that can.
- Over time.
- Hide love where there is not.
- Nor claim love where there is not.
- -Fransois de La Rochefoucauld-.
Sometimes true affection is confused with other realities that seem like love, but not love, these realities often involve very intense feelings, feel deep in the soul, but often exclude respect and true appreciation for the other, are born of selfishness desires or needs and are nourished through the benefits they produce. Let’s look at some of these realities below.
Overprotection is one of those realities that seem like love but are not, no matter how much this attitude is based on love at the beginning, it is a form of behavior that occurs mainly between parents and children, however, it is also common to occur between couples, friends and at different levels of hierarchy.
Overprotection is an excessive desire to avoid harm or suffering to the other person, generally considered vulnerable or powerless; when we love someone, obviously we just want good for that person; However, an overly anxious person may see dangers where there are none or consider them to be older than they really are, if any. In this sense, overprotective people often don’t know that bad experiences are a source of learning.
We say that this is one of the realities that resemble love rather than because what counts in it is not affection, but anguish, who overprotects is projected on his own fears, besides, this person is generally unable to avoid the suffering of his own fears. or his beloved. Eventually it invades each other’s space, preventing its growth.
The excessive desire for control over the other is reminiscent of overprotection, but it is not the same, in this case it is a link marked by the act of denigrating the other, basically what is sought is to achieve it?Liked? Learn to distrust yourself and start needing the other. One way or another, we’re trying to create dependency on the other side.
Although their nature is not fundamentally such, these behaviors appear as expressions of love. One makes things easier for the other. It carries heavy objects, offers support in difficult situations or assumes them for the other, also devotes its efforts to making the other person uncomfortable, however this provision is not free. You pay with the limitation of autonomy and freedom.
The real intention is that one needs the other constantly, from the outside this can give the feeling that the controller is trying to make the life of the beloved happier, but in reality his efforts are aimed at the other not being able to live. his life alone. The controller manipulates to keep the link closer and closer. It’s not really love, it’s selfish control.
Control is the face and addiction is the most common hallmark of these realities that seem love but are not, in this case what exists is a special bond, in which the person places all his needs and frustrations in the other. , so to speak, the obligation to be responsible for your own happiness. A kind of surrogate parent available at all times to satisfy his desires.
This type of tutor can become a desperate necessity. In the end, it’s like a shield against life. Avoid confrontation with your own limits. It also tends to protect you from the anguish of having to decide and thereby win or lose. The addict may feel that he loves the other deeply, but it is actually a bond of mutual exploitation.
All these forms of Pseudo-love? They are harmful: they hide situations to be solved. They’re realities that seem like love, but they actually have more to do with a certain kind of neurosis. They hardly ever end well. They cause pain and impede mutual growth, unfortunately they tend to create very strong bonds, which often end up harming the people involved.