Childhood is the moment when a beautiful paradox occurs; we are able to build the strongest foundations in a minimum of time, without even realizing it, at the age of four we begin to define our way of being, from there all that remains is to develop or slow down the inertia that we have taken in our first years of life.
Childhood leaves traces that last forever. They are immutable marks that are reflected mainly in the attitude we have towards ourselves and others, however, some of these marks are more persistent and profound, because of the great impact they have on the child’s mind.
“The best way to have good children is to make them happy. “
(Oscar Wilde)
Then we’ll talk about the three brands we internalize of children that will never fade away.
When a child is deceived or betrayed by his or her parents or guardians, he can hardly trust others or even himself. You’ll have to fight a lot against the tendency to mistrust in order to forge intimacy with others.
The child is tricked into promising things that are not fulfilled, it is important for him to receive the promised toy if he succeeds at some point, to be taken to the park that was promised, or for a moment to be dedicated to them, as promised.
Such acts may go unnoticed or unimportably to adults, however, for the child, they represent a learning experience about what can be expected, globally, from nearby characters.
If the child notices that the parents are lying, he will learn that the word is worthless, this will make it difficult to believe in others and strive to make the word itself reliable. Will this brand prevent you from developing relationships with others and creating true intimacy during your development?shelter where you feel safe with someone.
The child who feels lonely, ignored or abandoned, begins to believe that loneliness is a completely negative state, and can choose between two ways: either he becomes too dependent on others, constantly looking for someone to accompany and protect him, or he renounces the company as a precautionary measure in the face of the suffering of possible abandonment.
Those who follow the path of addiction can tolerate any type of relationship, as long as they are not alone, they believe that they are completely incapable of choosing loneliness and therefore are willing to pay any price for company.
Those who escape the fear of abandonment through unwavering independence become unable to take advantage of someone’s emotional closeness. For them, love is synonymous with fear. The more affection they feel for someone else, the greater their anxiety and their desire to escape. They are the kind of person who breaks captivating bonds to stop feeling the anguish that could cause a possible loss of the beloved figure.
A child who has been constantly interrogated or censored by his parents often becomes an enemy of himself, thus developing an inner dialogue in which he censors and reproaches himself.
This child, in his adult life, will probably never be comfortable with what he does, what he says or what he thinks, he will always find a way to sabotage his plans and it will be very difficult to accept that she also has virtues and you will feel that you do not deserve anyone’s affection or understanding and that your expressions of love for others are useless.
They generally become isolated and unstable adults who panic in situations of social contact, while being extremely dependent on the opinions of others, at the minimum criticism from others, they are completely devalued, since they do not they know how to do it. distinguish an objective observation from a personal attack.
If, in addition to being rejected, the child is also humiliated, the consequences are even more serious, the humiliations leave feelings of unresolved anger that become a sense of continuous helplessness and often give way to tyrannical and callous people who also seek to humiliate others. .
The footprints left by these childhood experiences are very difficult to change, however this does not mean that they cannot be worked to become something more positive, the first step is to recognize that they exist and you have to work on them so that we do not fully determine the rest of our lives.