From time to time we are faced with difficult conversations, even unintentionally, many choose to avoid them as if the problem is going to go away, however, it does not work like that. In fact, in many cases, postponing the inevitable only complicates matters further.
There is no need to be afraid of a difficult conversation, there are ways to deal with such situations, you can even master them so as not to turn them into drama and get what you expect from any situation: effective communication. Do that.
- “When the communication door is open.
- Anything is possible.
- So do we have to train to open ourselves up to others to restore communication with them?-Thich Nhat Hanh-.
First, we must set aside the preconceived idea of difficult conversations, classifying those in which we anticipate that we will have problems; in addition, when we do, we anticipate conflict, which creates a pre-stress attitude. , and that’s where the problems begin.
This is the previous step in dealing with difficult conversations: don’t anticipate complications. This will help us stay focused on conversation and see things in perspective, and allow us to be aware of our interlocutor’s signals to effectively control their emotional changes and reactions.
People need to feel heard. Therefore, not only must you be attentive and willing to listen, but your whole body must show that you are listening, after all, to listen is an indispensable condition of communication.
If the other person perceives tension or anxiety, if you feel that you are defensive or that you have an aggressive attitude, it will act negatively and will not be willing to listen to you, on the contrary, if you are encouraging, calm, calm and so compassionate, it will be easier for the other to calm down.
A conversation, however difficult, is not a struggle. There are no winners or losers, so if you want to clarify something, you need to stay calm, especially when the other person shows signs of emotional change.
Active listening helps us deal with difficult conversations
On the other hand, it is important that you do not express your feelings first, even if you have been hurt, the other needs to feel validated, that is, to know that his feelings also matter, you must know that you believe in him. , despite their actions and the damage he has done to them.
Therefore, first, once you have clearly defined the purpose of the conversation, show interest in the other person’s thoughts and feelings. Accept them before proceeding, without judging them or throwing them in their face. Then you can expose your ideas and feelings.
For example, if you notice a change in tone of voice, for example, when you speak lower or faster, you can tell the other person. You can also choose not to notify it, but taking into account its meaning. Often, during an explanation, people change the way they talk before saying what’s important to them. It’s because they’re afraid of what might happen or because they feel there’s a problem that keeps them from moving on.
Another sign to keep in mind is nervous laughter. Some people laugh when they feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. This isn’t a mockery, much less. In fact, it’s similar to what happens when we cry with happiness.
Nervous laughter usually indicates discomfort. This signal opens the door to ask the other person how they feel and identify a starting point to move forward in a positive way, this kind of laughter can also indicate that the person is trying to escape a feeling, so it is important to ask them to express their concerns or what they need to overcome the blockade.
Another sign of emotional change is a change in the pattern of eye contact, the look may indicate that the other needs to rest, however, if it goes the other way or stays cold and threatening, it could mean that something important has been said in the conversation. It is a time to ask the other, without aggression and with real interest, to share their point of view, and also to listen to it without interruption or judgment.
If what you notice is that the other person uses the word “but” a lot, it’s a sign that you’re about to say what you’re afraid of, but you’re not saying it out of fear or shame. But what about it? To help you finish.
As we have already said, a conversation is not a battle in which there are winners and losers, if you want to understand, draw conclusions or propose solutions, you have to face the difficult conversations in the right way.
It’s not about being right or showing something to the other, in fact, in the face of these kinds of conversations, there’s no worse approach than this, you don’t win anything and you lose a lot. If you don’t want to close the doors, you have to open your mind and give up grudges, anger and hatred.
If it’s difficult, think about what you want to accomplish with the conversation and tell the other person, it’s critical that you both know where you’re headed.