life is not always easy. In fact, it is almost never simple or seems to be, what happens is that most of our suffering is hidden within us, because we always pretend to disguise it in the eyes of others, we are the only ones who know the exact location of our wounds and how vulnerable they are; only each of us can heal ourselves, pick up the broken pieces to be brave and make us stronger.
All because, despite a difficult moment that tears us apart from the inside, it also represents an opportunity for us to become aware, to restructure the way we understand the world and, after a while, to rebuild ourselves. ?
- No one is safe from suffering.
- It’s this strange tenant that sometimes explodes in our lives without announcement or prior invitation.
- And if most of the time we try to escape or hide it in the darkest basement to ignore its presence.
- That doesn’t stop it from affecting us anymore.
- Even hidden in this dark corner where we have banished him.
- He continues to exert his influence.
- An influence that we see less now.
- Because darkness prevents us from identifying or anticipating his movements.
Some compose their negative feelings with false smiles, others will do a thousand and one activities so as not to have a minute off to let them think, and others can lie with the intention of correcting their discomfort. And within these and others, we are also, occasionally or as subscribers of this feeling.
The problem is that no matter how many obstacles we try to put in, sooner or later suffering will appear with the intention of breaking down, whether physical or emotional pain.
Like it or not, suffering is part of life, danger is when it becomes so heavy and takes on so many forms that it eventually expands over time and ends up becoming a way of life, staining our day-to-day gray. , almost black. .
In fact, most of the suffering we feel (not everything) has developed from an experience of pain, which is always the experience of losing something or someone we love, so when we do not accept this loss, we resist and insist that otherwise without knowing it, we would yield to suffering; suffering that is pain and refuge, when it rains amid mourning and water soaks the bones of sadness.
The death of a loved one, the breakdown of a relationship, disappointment with a friend or resignation are examples of losses that hurt us and that, over time, make us suffer as if a knife were being stabbed directly into our hearts. They are wounds that, if we don’t treat them, will never stop bleeding, until we become broken pieces that are difficult to stick together.
How can we be brave right now and have the strength to move on?
While it is true that some people develop real problems or difficulties as a result of their suffering, in most cases this is not the case, some may even become strengthened after a traumatic experience, an experience that hurts them, but also makes them grow. benefits in one way or another.
A study by Wortman and Silver indicates that there are people who resist the assault of life with unprecedented force, the reason lies in their resilience, which allows them to maintain a stable balance without the traumatic and painful experience affecting their performance and daily life.
This leads us to believe that we are stronger than we think, that even when our forces weaken, there is a small ray of light that illuminates us so that we can take our broken pieces and rebuild, is the dawn of our resilience, the exact moment when our pain and the weight of suffering give way to the healing power of our strength to resist and rebuild again. It’s being brave.
Therefore, it is not a question of ignoring what we feel, but of accepting the moment of pain as a learning experience in life and crossing it with open eyes so that they get used to it, as happens when we are in the dark. Even when life hits us with great intensity and is able to break us, our ability to feel strong helps us overcome what we are living and rebuild our identity, nailing our broken pieces, one by one.
It’s resilience, one of the greatest skills we have and must learn in school. Learn how to heal our wounds, treat them with love, and learn more from them.
As we have seen, flowering after a storm of pain is possible, but it is not simple, it is a complex and dynamic process that, as psychiatrist Boris Cyrulnik points out, involves not only the evolution of the person, but also the process of restructuring the history of his own life. Thus, there are certain factors that, if promoted, will increase our resilience and help us collect our broken pieces to rebuild ourselves:
In addition, Calhoun and Tedeschi, two of the authors who have been most researched on post-traumatic growth, suffering and pain, point out that these experiences lead us to change not only on an individual level, but also in our relationships and in our philosophy of life. .
Being brave and facing painful experiences frightens us, but running away from them only prolongs our suffering, which takes on a more dangerous form. The real courage is to keep moving forward, despite fear, when our body trembles and breaks inside.
In life we need time to assimilate what has happened and to be alone with our suffering is a way of dealing with it, in this loneliness comes the pause that allows us to understand, because the important thing is to continue moving forward in great steps. , even small steps, because the person who falls the least is not the strongest, but the one who can rise strengthened with each fall.