I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to hold others accountable for my well-being. For a long time I have criticized them for not keeping their promises, for not loving me as I loved them, for not doing what they promised or what I expected. My expectations for the rest of the people I considered important in my life were very high, so I began to leave my own happiness in your hands.
But there came a day when I felt bad about myself, I started to think I was manipulating people and somehow that’s what happened, I used them to make me happy. If someone couldn’t meet me to do something (going for a walk, going to the movies, etc. ) because something more interesting had happened than doing, it irritated me and I wasn’t doing what I had planned, damn it!My life depended entirely on the people around me, what I put on them and how they reacted.
- Blaming others for our own happiness is a grave mistake.
- A habit that shows signs of suffering.
- Disappointment.
- Pain.
- Sadness and.
- At worst.
- Even depression.
- We do not realize that this dynamic causes great emotional instability within ourselves.
- Scenario.
- How do we control our emotions? It will be an impossible task.
- As we are giving up the control we have over them.
But the most important question is, “Why participate?”Leave such an important and sensitive responsibility and privilege in the hands of others?The answer is in fears, insecurities, beliefs in an ideal relationship and often in the preconceived idea that you have to suffer to love.
Does all this end up defining a logical perspective? Your internal laws?It determines how we live relationships with others, we give ourselves up completely, we strive to make our relationships (whether of friendship or love) work, however, it seems that so much work in the end is useless, always leaving a residue of disappointment.
We prevent others from proving that we are also important to them, we do so with the conviction that there is only one valid alternative for someone to love us, this only valid alternative is one that satisfies our general desires and conditions, in fact, minimizes the value that other alternatives have for us, in addition, on several occasions we do not give voice or words to this alternative , hoping that in an exercise in illusionism, worthy of the best school of magic, people will read our thoughts or get an answer. according to the clues we give.
On the other hand, if we are that friend who usually takes the initiative and seems to lead a group, why not stop, stop having authority and let others do something? Perhaps we are afraid that this will not happen, that the force of habit has transformed the roles we play into static positions, which mark what would be expected and the unexpected of others.
To hold others accountable for our happiness, as long as we blindfold ourselves so as not to see what’s happening, is to buy a ticket and, at the very least, wait for an unpleasant lottery prize to come out, but we want to trust blindly, perhaps because we do. ourselves, and life, without getting tired, yells at us, “Stop taking care of others and start taking care of yourself!”
We’re looking for what’s missing from us on the outside. If we feel unwanted loneliness, we try to use people to stop it; If we think we need love, we look for a partner to meet that need. Giving others the power to meet our needs makes us prone to suffering and need-based life relationships.
We depend a lot and can count even more Do we have happiness, love, joy?it is true that there are experiences that ruin all this, that can even make us believe that those feelings have been taken from us, but basically they exist, we just have to take responsibility for them, we must stop being passive or passive princesses. princes, because we are the protagonists of our own stories.
So today I stopped blaming others for my happiness, for meeting my needs, for satisfying myself in general, I gave up the role of victim, a very comfortable area where I asked and, at the same time, say what I did not have. Today I do not depend on anything to be happy, because I have the power to choose what I want to feel, in the same way I have allowed others to free themselves from this duty, than in the not too distant past. I returned it to your hands, unaware of the danger to which I was exposed.
Images courtesy of Zhu Yiyong.