The difference between a happy person who develops his full potential and another who doubts everything is in his childhood.
Studies have shown that, since pregnancy, babies perceive the sounds of the outside and the emotions of their mothers, some women, depending on the emotional environment they are in, develop feelings of rejection towards their baby during pregnancy, which can increase in the case of postpartum depression. In most cases, this is only a temporary situation.
- One explanation may be that they were also abused as girls.
- When they learned that the world is.
- By definition.
- A dangerous place.
- So the behavior of these mothers ends up being the same as they witnessed as girls.
- Were abused.
- Some people thought they would never do the same to their children.
- Then why are you doing this? Because it’s unconscious behavior.
- What they hated the most becomes automatic behavior.
- That’s what they’ve learned.
A toxic mother controls; he uses comparisons and public humiliation as a method of control, as he has also lived it. When a mother has more children, depending on her position, she will be able to identify with one of them, direct her preferences towards him, and denigrify him. Other.
That’s where the comparison appears. There is no weapon more destructive than the injustice of a comparison: it exalts one, it diminishes another. She is eager to have an ally among her children, to justify her behavior. You must form an alliance with other family members to exercise control.
Manipulation is another side of toxic behavior in parents. The mother is often victimized to generate feelings of guilt in her children, especially when they become adults and make their own decisions.
Controlling or toxic mothers always treat their children as children, denying their role as adults. Control can range from choice of clothing and personal style to how the child should talk. This behavior becomes even more critical when children decide to start a family. They want to dictate family rules, how to raise their grandchildren, how to prepare food, and even when to conceive more children. And, of course, will the choice of who your child will live with really be out of tune with their tastes?That’s why they often disapprove of their children’s choices.
But do they do it simply because they learned like this in their childhood?Behind this behavior lies the fear of abandonment and loneliness, a situation that eventually occurs a little later, when children are unable to draw a line between their family space and the individual.
With control and toxicity, they get what they feared most: loneliness.
In the case of children alone, or with any illness or disability, does the situation become an eternal blackmail?It’s a saying that says, “I left you everything,” “I sacrificed myself to raise you,” etc. She wonders why her son doesn’t think like her.
First, it is important to recognize that professional help is necessary, because injuries created, if not treated, have a very high chance of reaching grandchildren and it is possible to break the toxicity cycle.
In addition, it is recommended, to the extent that economic circumstances permit, to establish a physical distance between the controlling parent and the child; it must be admitted that when the adult child still depends financially on the mother, it is difficult to impose limits. However, it’s important to maintain independence using other skills and not assume a type of addiction that forces you to take on other emotional addictions.
Here psychological work is important, because by detecting a manipulation, after an interval of outrage at reality, it is common for the father to free himself from the weight of guilt, when we recognize manipulation, we can protect ourselves and break the bond.
So, if that’s your situation, ask a professional for help. Don’t argue, it will only increase frustration, anger and pain. Rest a sure not to break the circle and not repeat the stage.