Many people seek the approval of the environment around them, without it they are unable to make decisions, choose for themselves and feel safe in their choices, the problem is that it gradually destroys self-esteem, in addition, tries to please and satisfy the tires. .
So how does publishing work? From the Spanish Society for the Study of Anxiety and Stress (SEAS) “The need to please everyone is considered an irrational belief or expectation because it involves perfectionist and unattainable goals: is it impossible to please everyone?
- For this reason.
- Trying to please and satisfy others.
- In many cases.
- Only generates helplessness.
- People who relate in this way must radically change the way they are based on context.
- Which generates a tension that usually manifests itself in anxiety.
Albert Ellis, father of ABC theory, believes that much of our suffering depends on our interpretation of reality, without reality itself.
In this way, many of the irrational beliefs we adopt are able to cause a lot of pain, so by questioning and eliminating them we will improve our mental life and therefore also our sensory life.
Interestingly, when we try to please and satisfy others, what we receive, most of the time, is rejection. A rejection that hurts and clashes with the belief that “if I am as others want, they will love me. “
This dissonance between conviction, action and the response we receive is what increases our pain and suffering, despite this, instead of trying to be ourselves, we always want to be better, that’s when you try to please and satisfy the tires .
At first, perhaps the servants who always give us reason can love us, but this pleasant feeling at first soon becomes rejection to identify in the other an artificial being unable to face the least challenge.
This phenomenon is particularly present in certain relationships. At first everything is fantastic, but over time boredom arises.
Think about the difficulty of meeting someone who never appears, that is, a being who is never there, who has no voice, and who reproduces what he feels in the expectations of others.
“I don’t know the secret to success, but I know the secret to failure is to try to please everyone. “- Woody Allen-
Satisfying and pleasant tyres. People who practice this way of seeking the approval of others can maintain the situation for a while, but when their energies weaken, they are inundated with a sense of discomfort that they do not know how to leave because they do not have self-referrals, a condition that, in behavior, can manifest itself in aggression.
We all have a limit to simulation. As accommodating as we are, sooner or later the pressure will come, that is, the feeling of not being able to play a role that tires, so a very intense relationship can calm down in a short time.
People who are very concerned with pleasing others also tend to be all or nothing people, they are unable to share their attention. So when they get tired of one goal, they start to dedicate themselves to another, forgetting about the previous one.
For example, they begin to respond to their best friend in the same way they respond to an unknown person.
“Wanting to please everyone doesn’t please anyone. ” -Rousseau-
This is very damaging. Many people use it to manipulate, however, others do so because they don’t know how to behave healthily and have such low self-esteem that they think they will throw out all those who discover their true personality.
Working self-esteem, changing what we can change and accepting what we cannot are solid pillars of social independence. Independence has a lot to do with self-esteem, a protective factor against emotional dependence.