Detaching from entrenched family and social commandments is healthy, because these hidden codes and obligations make us captive to an unsused life plan, however, sometimes it is better to be the black sheep than a character invented by that false perfection that defines certain families.
We were all, in a way, captives of this invisible network woven by family commandments, often inherited from generation to generation, that arise as an invisible consciousness, as the soul of a legacy where there are certain things that we must accept without asking questions. In fact, it was like this during our childhood. Until suddenly something awakens in us and we get tired of being held hostage to those rumbling glances, those expectations inscribed on the family bond.
“No legacy is as rich as honesty. -William Shakespeare-
Every family is like a clan. It is a dynamic and terribly complex dimension that incorporates an emotional inheritance, a past, certain beliefs, represses and of course certain commandments. Viktor Frankl, a famous Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist, wrote in his book “The Doctor and the Soul?The worst thing about suffering is that suffering itself has no witnesses, so the value of the family is the first circle of memory, the heir to this inheritance.
This idea is true, but if this suffering is surrounded by rancour, a bad legacy can be conceived, because it will most likely create mistrust as the main commandment.
We suggest a reflection on that
A commandment is more than just an implicit obligation to eat every Sunday with our parents. We are talking above all about the thought patterns they build, brick by brick, much of our own emotional castle. They are part of this psychogeneology that often blocks the vital impulse of growth.
Phrases like “I can’t go wrong,” “I have to control my emotions,” “Should we be careful with people?”Or “If I have no reason, it’s because they don’t like me,” he defines this. Believe it or not, the mark of each of these intergenerational commandments penetrates deeply into our personality.
Cognitive psychology is one of the best approaches to understanding this delicate plot, the most significant and decisive beliefs acquired in childhood from relationships with our own families, but there is, in turn, an even more complex concept, authors like Aaron Beck remember that some of these models have a genetic factor.
According to research published in the journal Nature Neuroscience, our DNA conveys information about experiences of stress and fear inherited from generation to generation, and Mount Sinai Hospital also evokes the same aspect: the weight of epigenetic inheritance and its influence on children’s genes.
One aspect needs to be clarified. Genetic predisposition does not determine our personality, it simply predisposes us; however, if we add to the weight of genes the continuity of certain commandments, certain values, guidelines and rules, a cycle of reciprocal stimuli can be established.
Breaking the commandments of the family is not really easy. There are many cultures and countries where the weight of the family affects and predisposes. Challenging her is almost sacrilege in some societies. In fact, as Albert Einstein once said, “it’s easier to disintegrate an atom than a prejudice. “
Today, so-called transgenerational psychology is at its peak, it is a therapeutic modality that is researched in the family tree to avoid repetitive patterns from past to present, in this way it helps the person to become aware of the imperceptible dynamics that exist. that he has inherited and that stops his growth, his happiness.
However, beyond these approaches, it is never necessary to be aware in our daily lives of certain aspects that can also help us break these commandments. Let’s see below.
We must understand the commandments of the family as a contract that we do not sign, we can take responsibility for them if they enrich us personally and emotionally, or we simply cannot sign them, do not assume them.
Sometimes defying and violating the commandments of the family clan is much more than an obligation: it is a necessity, it is the right and the duty to reaffirm personal integrity so that our own identity is not compromised.
Images courtesy of Sara Riches.