Violence in young couples is a rarely addressed problem, although we have thousands of studies on gender-based violence in marriage, the younger sector of these relationships has barely been analyzed, a fact that draws much attention, because if we identify this problem from its origins, we were able to avoid dramatic situations.
We all know the case of someone attacking or attacking their loving partner, not only are we talking about the physical, but also the verbal, the emotional or even the sexual, unfortunately these situations are more common than you think.
- While we are at a time when people are encouraged to seek help and report when a person is being abused.
- The number of cases of violence among young couples is increasing.
- What’s going on?.
According to a study by the University of La Laguna (Tenerife, Spain), there is a close relationship between people who mistreat themselves (men or women) and what they observe in their family. It is curious that in the face of an anger situation, the reactions of adult men and women are significantly different, which is not the case with young people.
In the survey, in the participation of 1,146 students from 16 to 18 years old, both sexes controlled anger towards their sentimental peers in a very similar way, although in the case of adults men were more aggressive and women more passive, in adolescents the results were almost identical.
Most respondents said that in the face of a fight at home, it was most common for their mothers to cry and their parents to throw things on the ground or beat them. 12% of young people confess to having seen their parents physically assault the mother and 6% are in the opposite direction.
In their own struggles, it should be noted that both sexes ended up being much more violent than their parents, the girls interviewed responded by crying and screaming more than adult women, which also increased among boys.
The study concluded that violence does not necessarily continue through the violent family context, there are many children who, in the face of facts at home, learn not to repeat such behaviors, which is that in the sample of the most aggressive children, there are two types of determining subjects:
In response, it should be noted that education so that certain limits are not exceeded is essential, in these cases educational institutions should be responsible for explaining to adolescents that aggression should never be tolerated.
Some factors to consider in the study of this increase in violence among young couples are exaggerated romanticism and idealization. The new generations have grown up with unrealistic expectations of love and relationships. They believe that control, jealousy and over addiction are symptoms of passion, not obsession.
“Never be mistreated in silence. Never allow yourself to be a victim. Don’t let anyone define your life, define you? Tim Fields?
In addition to these foolish forms of sentimental manifestation, there are several theories that try to explain these behaviors, the most interesting being in this case the theory of attachment and feminist perspective.
The attachment theory, formulated by psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby, focuses on building the emotional bond between children and the people who care for them and provide them with safety.
Attachment is formed naturally and influences both the behavior of children and the establishment of their relationships, even marking adult life.
Thus, how these links are strengthened influences how the individual relates to others, so it is important to know the types of attachment and how they can relate to the development of violence among young couples.
Children who have developed a safe attachment model are those who have a healthy relationship with their primary caregiver, who is usually the mother, when she is gone, can interact with other people, but in her presence they always ask for her first. while admiring her and seeing her as a source of comfort. They feel protected and comfortable because they know they won’t let anything bad happen to them.
In adulthood, people with a secure attachment have no trouble building relationships with others, know when a person is toxic to them and when they don’t, and refuse to build relationships just for fear of being alone. They’re afraid to ask for help when they need it. They are people with who it is possible to have an honest, mature and responsible relationship.
Thus, violence in young couples feeds on individuals who, unlike them, did not have care figures who gave them that sense of safety and protection.
The model of attachment avoidance occurs in cases where the absence of your mother, or the primary caregiver, generates indifference in babies, who manage to do without it and when it reappears they do not react at all, this happens because of the repeated lack of attention to their emotional needs.
In this case, the parent escapes contact with their child, rejecting any kind of affection, so children who grow up with this lack of affection become adults with difficulties in establishing intimate and trustworthy relationships, for example, they hide their emotions and needs of fear of rejection.
In some cases, people who have grown up avoiding attachment may even exhibit self-destructive behavior, inhibit their feelings, avoid commitment, are generally not honest, and are justified by their supposed independence, which is just an obstacle to establishing a more intimate relationship. ties to others.
On the other hand, they feel uncomfortable if their romantic partner asks them for help, although they have no problem expressing their sexual desire as long as this is the case, their relationships are superficial and the hypothetical love partner often feels ignored and unaware. they don’t usually make them prone to violence.
This type of attachment corresponds to babies who are unable to predict the behavior of their mother or primary caregivers. Sometimes they are affectionate and close to them, but other times they are completely hostile. This ambivalence generates great anguish and surprise in these children who become extremely hypersensitive.
They try to seek at all costs maternal closeness, which they will continue to develop in adulthood, with their possible sentimental companions and friendships. They are people who, in the face of any kind of separation (even if only a few hours), feel ignored and abandoned; their hypersensitivity promotes situations of anger and anxiety, making their relationships extremely toxic.
The origins of violence in young couples could then be based here, these teens and adults are the most prone to abuse, their behavioral changes are very abrupt: they attract the attention of their partner and suddenly hate it, perhaps the reason is childhood experiences and the extreme need to avoid another feeling of traumatic abandonment.
From the point of view of feminism, violence in young couples is due to inequality of social roles between the sexes; According to most studies and research, the percentage of men who abuse women is much higher than for women who abuse men.
From this perspective, while girls who attack their emotional partner do so for violent behavior, the vast majority of children who attack their girlfriends do so from a sexist perspective, regard the woman as an object of their possession and, in order to reaffirm their status of power, must attack and humiliate her. For them, the female role is a lower role that must be mastered.
On the other hand, there are cases in which it is man who is mistreated, in these situations there is a very common behavior, in which they dare not denounce for fear that society will humiliate them, perhaps the reason is the strong conviction that men should hide their emotions because, if they express them, they will convey an image of weakness , the result of the sexist education received.
These theories show that parents have a great responsibility in the education of their children, their actions will impact children, who will then become adults, it should be considered that it is not only violence among parents that triggers aggression among young people, because there are many who have not witnessed it at home. The combination of variables such as context, personality, relationships and education generates such behaviors.
Educating equally, teaching to respect others is necessary in today’s society, it is important to make people aware that we all have the same rights, despite our physical, psychological and social differences, regardless of gender.
Being in touch with children, giving them care and affection, and, of course, encouraging them to feel safe and protected are factors to consider. A child who has felt loved, protected, and welcome is much more likely to develop successful relationships in the future.
On the other hand, children who belong to the evasive or ambivalent group according to attachment theory will have trouble building and maintaining healthy relationships, indifference, fear of abandonment, and obsession are toxic behaviors that need to be addressed if they really want to build prosperous relationships.