Who doesn’t like to feel important or special to others?It is a perfectly legitimate and, moreover, healthy human desire, but sometimes wanting to feel important is not the same as being able to do so, in fact, some people are frustrated and considered “one more in the crowd”.
The problem is not in the desire to receive recognition, to arouse admiration, or to be meaningful in the lives of others. Perhaps what makes wanting to feel important become a problem is what we mean by “important. “And also the kind of response we want to expect from others in relation to who we really are.
“Big egos are big shields for a lot of empty space” – Diana R. Black-
In family language, there are expressions that allude to all this, are we talking about being someone?or “not being a person. ” These kinds of references lead us to believe that being and existence do not give us value in themselves, but that the same existence is defined in terms of other factors Are you nobody?or is it someone, if you live under certain parameters, is it true?
Buddhists and Lacanians say that the? I? Or the? Ego? It is a source of suffering. With the obvious differences, the two schools of thought indicate that excessive insistence on oneself does not help to see beyond, creating difficulties and, therefore, unhappiness. And he has a huge appetite. The more you feed it, the more voracious it becomes.
If we start from the idea that we do not have enough value, nothing will change our opinion at the base, it is a fact that we can highlight in some respects, but not in all, however, by feeding the ego, we put ourselves in a position in which we will always be focused on what we lack, what we cannot achieve. That makes us very unhappy.
Sometimes a person has been exposed to environments that invalidate, depreciate or simply ignore them, resulting in lasting wounds in self-love, especially if this environment is very close or if such experiences occur during childhood. It’s a desire to claim that it could be exaggerated. It is when the person develops an excessive desire to want to feel important.
Anthropological studies show us that there are societies in which only warriors are truly valued, others, on the other hand, degrade those who do not maintain a peaceful position with themselves and with the world, for some it is just someone who shows signs of violence to Impose yourself on others. For others, that same person would be “nobody”.
In this somewhat extreme example, should the peaceful person become violent by nature, for the sole purpose of feeling important to his group, or should the warrior by nature become completely peaceful to be admired by those around him?
The ego trap is precisely there: wanting to feel important can, in certain circumstances, lead us to disfigure or deny ourselves who we are, simply to obtain the approval or exaltation of others. The question is whether it’s worth it.
Unsurprisingly, at the entrance to the famous Olfactory Oracle, the phrase of Socrates is engraved: “Know yourself. “Knowing yourself completely is the first act of self-love that anyone should have. And getting to know each other is not to make a list of virtues and flaws, but to understand who we are. Our story. Our fears and our strengths. Our talents and our voids.
Perhaps our main duty is to constantly fine-tune who we are to get it to the fullest. More than admiration, we really need acceptance, support and affection. Now, it is not something that happens in our lives, we build it by accepting, supporting and loving others. This is all what really drives us to heal the ego. To really value us, exactly as we are. In this way the desire to stand out at all costs is dispelled.
Wanting to feel important to others is an ego trap. In general, this only brings frustrations, because the opinion of others is changing and passing. After all, we’re human and we don’t always make it. Also because this admiration, contrary to true affection, is not enough, this generates satisfaction, but dissolves quickly, it is a mirage that disappears and only the void is behind it.