Each of us has had an experience that has changed us forever, it is like crossing a threshold where we look back to discover with some sadness that we have lost something, perhaps it is innocence, or the certainty that life does not carry the promise of eternity happiness.
In personal growth it is said that people are born twice, the first was when we came into the world, the second, when we face a traumatic event, is when they invite us to move forward, to grow from emotional survival, overcoming, resilience.
- “We move joylessly through our personal labyrinths.
- Until suddenly we find our way to paradise amid the confusion.
- -Mary Shelley-.
According to Rafaela Santos, psychiatrist and president of the Spanish Institute of Resilience, people often go through two complicated events on average that will put them to the test. These are experiences that are beyond our control and for which we are not always prepared. At least apparently.
Because believe it or not, our brain has a perfect structure that encourages us to survive, to draw our strength from our weaknesses so that we can reopen the path in the meantime emotional entanglement, to find the way through our personal mazes.
But just as traumatic events force us to learn and move forward, positive events also have power. To learn you have to suffer reserves, because happiness also provides wisdom, temperance and knowledge.
People are the result of all their experiences, but above all from everything they learn from them, everything, absolutely everything, shapes us and shapes our values, virtues and flaws, time, our spirit and our will are the great architects of who they are.
In the face of emotional disappointment we have two options: to maintain hope and perpetuate pain, or to assume the end of a cycle and move on, thus, in the face of the loss of a loved one, there are also only two ways: to be desolate or look back at the horizon, if we think about it well, we rarely have two such clear but at the same time such complex choices.
However, it is not enough to understand that there is only one right way for the person to gather all his determination and will to undertake this recovery process. Understand? And fact are two very complex dimensions in the psychological field, it is like telling someone with depression who should be happier, she understands, there is no doubt, but she needs strategies, predisposition, help and reinforcements.
To make this leap of faith on the right path, we need support and self-confidence, because the way we cross these bridges of life will determine the kind of life we will have on the other side. If we do not do so correctly, we will find ourselves suspended on an island of eternal bitterness, where there is no light or hope on the horizon. No one deserves such existence.
We must be able to assume that life has consequences, however, in the end, we learn to live with them, we will not be the same person, there is no doubt about it, but we will shape a different person: someone much stronger. .
In our familiar language we often say that misfortune “hits us”. Every traumatic event is lived as a blow, although we should describe it as a burn, because that’s how our brain feels.
The breakdown of relationships, for example, causes a very intense response in the secondary somatosensory cortex and dorsal insula, areas clearly related to physical pain, with what it feels like in case of burns, for example.
So let’s imagine for a moment what it would mean to perpetuate this state. Make this chronic pain by not properly managing loss, collapse or shocking event. Our brain would be subject to persistent post-traumatic stress disorder where the person is literally fragmented.
To reduce the impact of these experiences, we can use three simple strategies that can also be very useful in everyday difficulties.
The psychological resources involved in change management can be trained in our day to day, if we think about it, there is no day when we do not have to face a resignation, a small change or a challenge, every moment is good to acquire the right skills Only then will we be prepared when life tests us.
Here are three simple keys to getting it
It is worth imitating these kinds of processes: strengthening the pillars of our personality and our emotional world to acquire that flexibility that will prevent adversity from reaching us until we can overcome it.
The wolf, before he was fierce, is wise. Imitating some of his behaviors can help us overcome this complex terrain that brings us adversity, for a strong heart is a reflection of a soul who knows his priorities and does not hesitate to give everything for what he loves.
Images courtesy of Jarek Puczel.