Many children grow up in the world without a father. The dropout rates remain very high, for some due to social problems such as unemployment and poverty, for others, the most important factor is culture: in some contexts, the abandonment of the father is considered relatively normal.
There seems to be a strong link between unplanned pregnancies, especially among teenage girls, and father abandonment, which, combined with sexist standards of behavior, means that many men do not see a child’s abandonment as negative.
“Abandoned field, proclaimed fire”. -Say anonymous-
While it is true that a human being can grow and evolve without having a committed father by his side, it is also true that those who trust him have many better opportunities in life, and there are also cases where the absence of the father becomes unless that greatly deteriorates existence.
Psychoanalysis says that maternal love is voracious and total, the mother has a total influence on her baby’s life, it is everything. It focuses on the big and the small, the trivial and the important. It is the environment, the universe where a child’s life takes place. Addiction is absolute in the first years of life.
The strong bond between a mother and her child tends to extend over time, the child knows that he depends on him for everything and surrenders to his logic, yours is basically unconditional love and gives the little one security.
Some are also lucky to have a father. Finally, there is a world beyond the mother. The father is a universe over which the mother has no total control. That’s the other side of reality. A third intervenes to balance this relationship of absolute dependence, represents the limit of this symbiosis between mother and child, symbolically it is the law. It is also the basis on which we learn that the world will not adapt to ourselves, on the contrary.
Just as there are many ways to accompany a child, there are also different ways to abandon a child, the absent father initially leaves the mother alone physically and psychologically to raise her child, disconnects from the financial contribution, household chores and does not care what happens to the child.
There are also those who give up emotionally, but not physically, feel that children are the mother’s problem, they are there, but they do not believe that they have a responsibility to raise children, do not speak to them, do not speak to them. They don’t spend time with them, they have no idea how their life is going. They just pay the bills and place an order or whatever, from time to time as they see fit. They have no interaction with the little ones.
There are also those who do not give up emotionally, but physically, have formed another family or are far away. However, they try to be aware of what is happening to their children. They’ll never be able to spend as much time as they’d like, but they’re in your mind and heart.
Each type of abandonment has its own consequences. In the case of the total absence of the father, the consequences range from serious to very serious, if the father figure is replaced, always partially by someone, the effect will be less, if there is only one void left, the echoes of this absence will probably be almost devastating.
Without a third in the mother-child relationship it will be very difficult for the child to become independent, probably find it difficult to explore, broaden their horizons and trust their abilities, will lead to the feeling of being excluded, of having emotional deprivation. Doesn’t the mother decide to be “father and mother at the same time”?Even if you wish, your presence will never replace that of the third party who will always be absent.
It is very difficult for children abandoned by their parents to adapt to the world and reality. They are also likely to develop fear of deep emotional bonds. And they can also become “abandonors. ” In the case of women, they will be distrustful of men, or too safe, to always repeat the abandonment they want to overcome.
When abandonment is partial, the consequences are less obvious, the same traits appear, but mixed and to some extent diluted, in any case the absence of the father opens a deep emotional wound, especially in the first years of life. it will never fill up and, on the contrary, the mark of your fault will be very difficult to erase.