When we talk about limits in any romantic relationship we mean inviolable and non-negotiable criteria, there are certain limits that are generally shared by almost everyone, whether in the family, social or partner sphere, but many are personal and we set them ourselves. with others around us, depending on what we are willing to tolerate.
In the area of the couple, the limits can vary considerably from person to person, there are people who are able to endure and even forgive infidelity, while others would never achieve it, however passionate they were for their partner. that everyone has received has a great influence, as well as personal experiences, values and self-esteem.
- Keep in mind.
- However.
- That while everyone can define their personal boundaries and there may be a diversity of opinions between them.
- There are behaviors that we should not accept if we want to maintain our self-esteem and dignity.
Almost everyone knows exactly what they don’t want in their romantic relationship, however, often, these limits of consensus are not respected by the other party, and even so the person stays in the relationship and doesn’t feel able to finish it and follow another path. .
Although he knows it doesn’t suit him, he prefers daily suffering to the pain of loss forever.
They feel their partner as a vital necessity, such as food or rest, and therefore detachment becomes impossible. Afraid of losing him? Amado is so great that they are able to resist behaviors such as lies, abuse or cancellation, to maintain the relationship.
This way of thinking of the couple as a necessity is the result of emotional dependence and appears when we are unable to impose our rules and set limits.
The addict’s thinking is usually expressed as: “Am I sure this will change?maybe I’m overreacting? He acts like this because he’s stressed, isn’t he going to last forever? etc. They justify their partner’s behavior, even if it hurts, because they need justifications for themselves. Internally they know they are wrong, but at least they calm down momentarily, force them to forgive their partner and continue the relationship.
To have good self-esteem is to accept oneself unconditionally, it is the support of mental health and emotional well-being, low self-esteem or lack of acceptance is, on the other hand, the starting point of many psychological problems.
Accepting and loving oneself with its flaws, strengths, limitations, and potential is what we really need to be happy.
Self-esteem has a lot to do with limits in all walks of life and, above all, in the couple, if I value myself more than myself or if I think I can’t be alone, if I need the other to be happy or if it’s my partner who makes sense of my life, I put very powerful bombs on my self-esteem; bombs that can explode at any time.
It is, in a way, dangerous, because we have reached a point where it is difficult to leave the relationship, or we are very sad with that partner.
We can only be happy as a couple if we know what we are willing to allow or not to allow and what we want for our lives.
To be clear and consistent, we cannot subordinate our needs to the needs of others. A not selfish but very sensible attitude. If we are at peace and live according to our ideas and values, we can be in harmony with the other person and, in turn, that person will feel better about us.
As we mentioned at the beginning, what people want for their relationship has very personal aspects, if we are not sure of our relationship we can ask ourselves: is this what I want for my life ?, do I see myself with that person in five years?Am I prepared to tolerate this behavior?
The most important thing is to be honest with the answers, if the answers show that we are not happy and do not see future, that is a good reason to end the relationship, knowing that we will go through a process of grief and suffering. where we’re going to have to rebuild.
Pain may not be a pleasant thing, but even more unpleasant is a pain for life, day after day.
And what should we never tolerate? One of the things that no human being should tolerate is getting rid as a person, that is, their tastes, values and opinions are ignored.
No one can ask or order the other person to stop being who they are, because then it makes no sense to have chosen them as a couple and if we don’t like the person as they are we can always go back, but never tell them how they should look or how to behave.
Obviously, another limit that must be clearly defined is violence, both physical and emotional, we cannot let anyone mistreat us, because no one has the right to do so: finding justification for abuse will make this situation worse over time. first time this happens.
Finally, do not allow anyone to interfere with your individual freedom; it’s the most precious thing we have. You should be free to come and go, decide the lifestyle you want to lead, have your friends, etc. Therefore, you must always put your freedom before everything.
And remember, love can’t do everything. Sometimes love must be thought about carefully, not just felt.