With the idealization of love and some textbooks that aim to eliminate the contradictions of life, it has become more difficult to love, in one thing the past was better: how to handle tensions in the relationship, it did not seem that this was such an extraordinary thing and that it was once accepted as a normal event.
That has changed a lot today. It seems that love between two people, to be valid, must exclude contradictions. The tensions in the relationship are seen as a wake-up call. Proof that something is wrong.
“Is love physical; marriage, chemistry ?. -Alexander Dumas?
Now he doesn’t seem to accept the fact that two lovers can end up hurt. One thing doesn’t exclude the other. In fact, it implies it. Most human relationships leave much to be desired when compared to ideal models, but they can be strong and resilient.
We haven’t marked the beginning of an unreleased story with our partner. In fact, we continue with several scripts that we have already brought from the past. To the unfinished love story we’ve written since we were born with our parents. Other failed or happy loves, that no longer exist. We came in new and with blank paper to any of our relationships.
The first reason for tensions in the relationship is the decline in romantic expectations. Not that the other person is a fraud. What ends up falling, at least in part, is this set of ideal dreams and goals with which we usually start a relationship, especially when we feel that we are before ‘the love of our lives’.
It is natural that an idealization of the other takes place, it is included in the drawer of the psychological processes that appear during the passion phase, some people are more prone to it and others less, but in any case, there is something.
Therefore, it is also natural to start a line of small disappointments. We found that pieces of the puzzle were definitely missing. Contrary to what we had originally imagined, this person sometimes annoys us. It bothers us, too. And maybe it’s more about this world, not someone else, as we had assumed.
This marks the dissolution of many mature relationships; in others, it’s just one step. The final result remains, as does compatibility. Affection is stronger than disappointment. It is then assumed that these tensions in the relationship are a non-determining obstacle, if someone wants to take the dramatic side, they will suffer a crisis of expectations and reality.
The decline of romantic expectations is just the beginning, two people can be very intelligent and realistic, however, when they become a couple, various elements (thoughts, behaviors, emotions, etc. ) are no longer in place, many times, at some point. point in a stable relationship, the two will wonder if they have made a mistake in their choice of love.
Love also: contradictory: tensions in the relationship are the bread of every day, not the exception to the rule. There is no human relationship as proven as that of a couple forming a loving union. An error that we forgive a child or friend seamlessly can develop in the context of relationships. Passions, including boredom, are always on the agenda.
Inadvertently, all couples negotiate secret rules: one will be the strong and the other will be protected, one will be understanding and the other demanding. One will be afflicted by both and the other will bring calm, the union is based not only on affections, but on the strong psychological mechanisms that, for the most part, advance in the field of the unconscious, and when these agreements never signed are un respected, tensions arise in the relationship.
There are those who do not accept the fact that true love is like this, they do not want to give up the fantasies of a fully harmonious relationship that responds to the idea of capitalized love, but they do not want to give up a relationship that balances their imperfections. One where there are no tensions in the relationship, but a constant well-being that does justice to the promise?And they lived happily ever after. A love that does not involve forgiveness or frustration, just the kind of affection you will never find, for the simple reason that it does not exist.