Do we know the? Were they happily ever after? It doesn’t exist, that the blue-eyed prince only exists in fairy tales and that kind of happiness is a utopia, but you still build relationships without knowing what a healthy relationship is.
We suffer out of love, cancel out of love, humble ourselves for our partner, we cry for an end and we do everything we can for people who don’t deserve it, maybe we’re too afraid to be alone, to look inside. the mirror and discover who we really are.
- We’ve had so many relationships and hurt ourselves so much that we’re unable to distinguish a healthy relationship from an abusive relationship.
- We’re just afraid of loneliness.
- And we’re content with people who don’t treat us well or don’t love us.
The psychologist Walter Riso in his book Love or Depend?It helps us differentiate between these unhealthy relationships that harm us and do us no good. Laughter categorizes the following types of abusive relationships:
According to Riso: “Obsession implies that love has become insatiable in the relationship. Either of us is never satisfied with the relationship, can’t do anything without their partner and is very dependent ?.
A person who lives in such a relationship feels compelled to give what he does not want, is stressed and, in some cases, feels cornered, an obsessive couple has no limits, leaves no room for our freedom and individualism.
They are couples in which everyone has lost their identity, lost their self-esteem, laughter says that couples of this type end up adopting the same gestures, jokes and ways of dressing, sometimes even condensed love shows a certain sense of possession towards another person.
However, loving means much more and above all maintaining our individuality, letting the other be as it is, loving it for it and being ourselves, with our faults and virtues, is a matter of adaptation.
We’re all afraid that a relationship will end or something bad will happen to someone we love, but we shouldn’t forget that loving someone else is always a risk. Fear of loss indicates an insecure person who fears failure and abandonment.
But this fear unfolds in many others: fear that our partner will disappoint us, that we discover infidelity, that he abandons us or that love will end for no apparent reason. Laughter recommends taking into account that in love there are no certainties, that we must accept uncertainty in a healthy relationship.
In love it is obligatory to respect the freedom of the other, that is, it has its own friends, activities, preferences, tastes and opinions, a love that does not respect all these aspects is oppressive and prevents us from being ourselves.
Each member of the couple must respect the other person’s personality, principles, values, and goals, even if they are different from their own, it is important to learn and accept these differences so that the relationship is healthy and there is mutual trust.
Marc and Angel Chernoff have spent a lot of time helping their clients build healthy and lasting relationships and have been able to answer a question we always ask ourselves: what does it take to create and maintain a healthy relationship?To do this, they have created a list of what you shouldn’t do to have a healthy relationship. Here are some examples of their approaches.
If you’re afraid to be alone, a relationship isn’t the solution, you’ll first have to see where this fear of loneliness comes from, and why, once you’ve solved and overcome your problem, you’ll be able to connect healthier with the other person.
Remember that your emptiness, your fears, your boredom are problems that only worry you and that will persist in a relationship if you don’t solve them beforehand, so face and solve your problems before starting a relationship.
When we start a relationship, it is normal to want to spend a lot of time together, but little by little we have to leave a space for our partner and have our own space, we must not forget that we have our lives and that having time for us is fundamental in a healthy relationship.
Happy couples know how to value time alone, such as their independence to do things differently and, at the end of the day, share their experiences with each other to enrich the relationship.
Trust is the fundamental basis of any relationship. If trust is lost it is very difficult to find it, so it is important that our partner does not feel alien to our lives.
There will be times when we want to be alone, when we need space to face our problems, and a healthy relationship will provide it to us, but if we want that space, it is good that we make an effort of sincerity and talk about the reasons why we are looking for it.
Sometimes we hear phrases like “I didn’t lie, I omitted,” which is an absolute contradiction, because omissions are lies. If you lie or omit the truth, sooner or later it will come to light.
You never get lost in love, but you get repressed. No relationship based on shared love is impossible unless you try. Loving someone else means creating an opportunity to hurt yourself, but also to be happy.
We cannot face life in fear of relationships, it is important to learn to trust, even if we have already been hurt, the important thing is not to make the same mistakes and learn every day.