Validating an emotion or someone else’s relationship is a very valuable act that is one of the fundamental pillars of many psychological interventions performed.
Many people come to a psychology office with a strange and inappropriate feeling, in the midst of a sea of emotions that they may not know how they got there or how to navigate.
- The other day Alicia said she didn’t know how sad she could feel about having a wonderful family and a good job.
Fernando said he was mad at himself for not trying hard enough
Lucas was a victim of anxiety because his work schedule had changed and he could not pick up his son from school on time; Besides, he was also angry at himself feeling this: he knew it wasn’t so bad, because his son only had to wait a few more minutes.
One of the first ideas that we should try to convey to Alicia, Fernando or Lucas is that it is normal for them to feel this way, that they are not “emotional fools”, that what they feel is a consequence, not of the world, but of parallel reality that they have built themselves, with which you work in your mind.
So, with validation, the first thing we can do is for the person to stop feeling strange, there will be an intervention or not, but under no circumstances is the person defective.
You may have a higher sensitivity, a higher degree of neuroticism, you can work with a lot of irrational ideas, but the problem is not in your nature.
This is the starting point where we tell the patient/client that they are able to do everything better, but what?Well, managing your emotions or setting priorities, for example, validating an emotion also serves to give the person back some control that they may think they’ve lost.
In this sense, validation is also an incredible resource to take care of relationships, if we have done it well it will be a first step that will never generate rejection, in addition, and at the same time, we will let the other perceive that we have listened carefully (active listening) .
When taking care, by saying that what the person feels is normal, we are not saying that the problem he presents is extraordinary or that the emotional intensity with which he lives is to blame.
We won’t help much if what we tell Lucas is that his son can wait, because he already knows, and somehow blames himself. Focusing on this idea, we can only make you feel worse, foreign. The same would happen with Alicia.
That’s why it’s so negative to say “Stop being sad!”Is there no reason for you to feel that way!?
These phrases will never make a person feel better, impose more obligation in the battle that the person is already facing, if the person needs something is the other way around, he needs them to recognize the effort he is making to fight.
With emotional validation, we open the door to emotional expression, without fear that the other will have to be judged or rebuked.
In addition, as we have already said, we give the person control over their emotions, in addition, we are a figure of help, a figure of help, the person will feel that we understand it, that we are to help them, and therefore increase our chances of being able to help them.
As we have seen, validating an emotion is one of the essential elements at the base of any relationship, but it is particularly important in clinical contexts.
In addition, it is also important in emergency situations, for example, a person may feel very perplexed not feeling enormous sadness when he loses one or more family members in a tragedy.
In fact, this emotional insensitivity can infer that you didn’t like them and may feel very guilty. Now, let’s think that the expression of guilt and sadness can have common traits. How can we help someone if we don’t know what situation it is?