The word necessity means, in psychological language, that without this object of attachment it is impossible to be happy, that your whole being depends on it and that life would cease to make sense if that something did not exist, it is really necessary.
In any case, confusing attachment with necessity and maintaining this attitude is extremely detrimental to our psychological health, because everything we want in our lives today, may disappear tomorrow.
- Nothing is permanent.
- And thinking differently can cause great suffering because what we have is not a legitimate desire that.
- If fulfilled.
- Is great.
- But if it is not.
- We know that we have other alternatives.
These ideas are extremely unreal and the truth is that no one dies to have lost anything, nor anyone, yet before admitting this certainty, people often go through states of anxiety and sadness.
In relationships, this happens clearly. Exaggerated romanticism has taught us that love means suffering, effort, sacrifice. This even made jealousy normal, giving the idea that “if there is no jealousy, there is no love”, etc.
When you think you need a partner, you’re not someone who’s chosen someone in general, but based on your personal needs, you may be afraid of loneliness or have very low self-esteem, maybe you think it’s better to have someone stronger and more capable than you for you, or you just took on that person because your life is pretty empty in other areas and you think you’re the only one who can do it.
Whatever the reason, the fact is that you’re a slave to your own mental voids, you didn’t decide to be with that person because it adds something or makes your life more enjoyable than when you were alone. like the one who chooses a prosthesis or tries to cover the sun with a strainer.
Along with necessity, we bring fear and hopelessness to our relationships; However, with preference or desire, we are peaceful, calm and value the common gift. We made a free choice, with nothing to indicate that we should have a partner to deal with thoughts like “We’re Losers,” “We left for my aunt,” or any other nonsense.
When you decide to love in total freedom and finally get rid of all those heavy chains and ghosts that have guided your life down the wrong path, you discover a new way of having a relationship, it’s a real and authentic love. It’s not the neurotic, crazy, visceral love we’re talking about in movies, it’s just fantasy and it doesn’t make the relationship go well.
It will hurt if you lose it, of course and risk having a bad time, but remember that your happiness does not depend on your partner and that life will continue to offer you other opportunities, this, of course, makes the relationship work a lot. better than when there’s jealousy.
You love it and you may want someone to support you and show you the signs of love and affection, but if it doesn’t exist in your life, there will be friends, family, work, hobbies and many more to add to this list. . which are yours, private and individual.
The solution to the problems is on a computer; We no longer argue to see who is right or not because our ego is not big enough to be worth it. We look together in the same direction and want to end our life together, but otherwise, because love can’t do everything, the world will take its course and we can have a completely happy life in society or with someone else.
Dare to say to your partner today, “I love you very much, but I don’t need you. “