Counterdependence is a new word that has been created to name an equally new phenomenon: the tendency to emotional distance due to fear.
A few decades ago, what was considered normal was to strengthen ties with others. Family ties were protected and cultivated, as were community connections.
- Today.
- This proximity is still maintained in small villages.
- But not as strong as before.
- On the other hand.
- Especially in large cities.
- There seems to be an epidemic of counterdependence.
Many people do not want anyone to interfere in their life, relationships are considered ephemeral or circumstantial, life in solitude is privileged.
“I am alone and there is no one in the mirror” – Jorge Luis Borges-
Even so, the complaint against loneliness is also common, many would like things to be different, but they do not want to change decisively either.
It is as if they want the other to be there, but without the disadvantages and contradictions that this alterity incorporates, nobody wants to admit the addiction or pay the price of counterdependence, that is the paradox.
Contrary to what might be thought of at first, people with anti-addiction problems are not alone, isolated, or accustomed to having a small circle of friendships, on the contrary.
Fear of intimacy pushes them to the other end. They’re the ones who go from meeting to meeting, from party to party. They’re “in everything. “
The main characteristic of counterdependence is the difficulty of connecting deeply with another human being, in addition, there are other features that identify it:
The logic of someone affected by counterdependence is based on the idea that suffering must be avoided at all costs and at all costs. The person feels that building relationships with someone is a high-risk problem.
The affected person is afraid of feeling vulnerable and being abandoned, so he is armed with a shell so as not to feel and abandoned before leaving him.
Counter-addicts are rarely in conflict with others, a conflict requires a certain degree of intimacy and connection, which they avoid accurately.
For others, their attitude can be very strange and incomprehensible, one day they disappear, without any inconvenience and without giving any explanation.
They claim to be more focused on success, or their projects, than on relationships, they consider it uns serious or of little value, and they also have an air of apparent superiority. They feel too evolved for others to understand, or believe that others want to enjoy their many virtues.
Behind people who fall under counterdependence is fear, with all its lyrics, this attitude of avoidance probably comes from past experiences that have not been completely overcome, in particular, unfinished grief or traumatic experiences during childhood.
They are people who have been injured or abandoned and have decided to stop feeling so as not to feel so much pain.
The problem is that they end up believing their own lie, they don’t think they have a problem, on the contrary: they think they’re better than the others, it’s a compensation mechanism to overcome their own vulnerability.
They tend to be very themselves and very hard when it comes to judging their own mistakes.
Counter-addicts are very tense in very personal or intimate situations; if they feel they need someone else, they feel ashamed and blamed. they’re also very suspicious. In general, they think others have hidden intentions or a hidden agenda.
Basically, addicts suffer a lot. They feel emptiness and loneliness, but because they are marked by prevention, they prefer to give up being happier, even if they have the possibility of building positive relationships with others.
What is clear is that these people need understanding, affection and perhaps professional help to break the shell that retains them.