No one dares to recognize it aloud, but it happens very often: often the happiness of others disturbs. This other person can be a couple, a childhood friend and even a child. All human ties are capable of generating this kind of feeling.
We believe that when we truly love someone, their sorrows are our sorrows and their joys are also our joys, that is what the theory and the un written agreement of political correctness says, but in practice this does not always happen. We would love to have the greatness of being happy when the other is happy, but sometimes the opposite happens.
Does our desire always last longer than the happiness of those we envy?. ?Francois de La Rochefoucauld?
Most of the time, we can’t admit it out loud. We will simply offer warm congratulations, while we feel something go wrong inside. Or we even try to minimize its success by putting a “but” or a “concern, that’s not what you think. ” Deep down, we know that their triumph generates frustration. What’s going on? How can we handle that?
The other’s happiness is not always uncomfortable. Sometimes we can feel immense happiness for the success of others, it is a wonderful feeling that magnifies and improves the relationship, why then, on other occasions, does this irritating shadow of envy appear?
We are all evolving human beings and, therefore, we are subject to all kinds of feelings, good or bad, negative feelings are not the privilege of a few, we have all felt them at the same time, to a greater or lesser degree. We can’t be proud of that, but we can’t punish ourselves for being jealous of someone we love.
When each other’s happiness bothers us because we’re not well, maybe we’ve worked the same way to achieve similar success, the other did it, and we didn’t. We appreciate your commitment, but we cannot avoid the sadness of our unfulfilled desire, without realizing it, we compare your happiness to our sadness and feel that there is something unfair about this situation, it is something we feel a lot, but we do not think much. .
All this happens when we see each other as a reflection of ourselves, that is, when we believe that everything that is yours is as if it were ours, we set aside the context in which their conquest took place and focus only on the result we achieved, a result that we also wanted for ourselves.
The key is to broaden that perspective. Not only do you look at what that person has, but what he needs to do to achieve his goals and all he still wants is a way to humanize the situation and find the elements that set us apart.
When we see the other as if it were our mirror, we make a narcissistic projection about him, it is in this situation that our ego is hurt and the happiness of the other bothers us; on the other hand, when we decided to look at him as someone independent of us, we come to understand his merit and rejoice for him.
Being jealous of someone you love is normal. That doesn’t make you a bad person, nor does it mean, don’t let this feeling grow or feed you with mistrust or resentment, this doesn’t help at all and hurts your relationship with the other person, from whom you could learn a lot.
It’s time to grow up. There are things that we crave and will never achieve, there are things that we want and that we will only achieve with great effort, there are also things that come to us much more easily than we thought, this happens in the same way with other people What changes is that sometimes happens at different times, or it does not happen at the same pace.
When the other’s happiness bothers you, you’re out of your own center, judging what belongs to you from each other, that’s a big mistake. The evolution of each person is unique and has nothing to do with that of others, people are different and are in different circumstances and moments, so the results will also be different.
Envy only ends when it is identified and accepted, that is, when we generously recognize that the other deserves all that he has achieved and that love must prey to these small meanings.