Life is wonderful and unique, but it inevitably ends at some point, when it happens to someone very close to us our world falls apart, and this difficult situation can get even more complicated if we have to report the death of a loved one. to a child.
This situation evokes many negative concerns and thoughts, in addition to the sadness of death, there is the anguish of knowing how to give this difficult news to our little ones, although it is not pleasant, we can do it in the best possible way for everyone?Find out how!
- “Death is something we should not fear because.
- As long as we are alive.
- Death does not exist.
- And when death exists.
- We are no longer alive.
- -Antonio Machado-.
When someone important dies in our lives, we are shocked and blocked, the impact of the news hits us hard and we do not believe in the truth: we will never see this person again or hear his voice. normal, but over time we have to assume that this person is no longer with us and that we must continue with our lives.
This does not mean that we no longer love it, but that we must reach a point of mourning where we accept the march, the problem arises if the duel does not develop or if it develops poorly, in such cases there may be a complication or it can become something pathological, so our life is affected.
“Death doesn’t exist, people only die when they forget. If you remember me, I’ll always be with you. ” Isabel Allende-
The same goes for children. Although not knowing how to communicate the death of a loved one to a child, knowing the news and living the duel itself is essential so that the loss does not become an immense ocean in which the child can drown. In addition, we emergencia. de avoid other more serious problems such as drug use, crime, confusion, low self-esteem, risky sexual behaviors, suicide and pregnancy in adolescence.
The truth is that not talking about it to avoid suffering is a mistake, children are good observers and realize that something is wrong, lying will diminish their confidence and make them feel devalued, and it will make them feel strange and anxious in an environment where they could previously express themselves and ask questions.
In addition, it can favor the appearance of guilt, as well as misconceptions about the end of life. By discussing this topic with our little ones, we will be able to know how they really feel about it, as well as their concerns and feelings about the situation. It is this knowledge that will determine how we can help children. Without him, we’ll barely know.
“You have to wait for the unexpected and accept the unacceptable. If we still don’t know what life is, how do we care about knowing the essence of death?-Confucius-
To do this, it is extremely important that this issue, as well as other issues of daily life, be discussed, because it is something that children will inevitably have to deal with in the near future. As in other situations, preventing the death of a loved one for a child is not the answer.
Now we know that not giving news to children is not the answer, but what to say?When’s the best time?And above all, what exactly are we going to say and how are we going to do it, to answer these questions, let’s go step by step.
First, the best option is for parents or other close relatives to take care of the task of making known the death of a loved one, it is extremely important that the little ones feel confident and confident in the person who is going to give them the news (so that they can ask all the questions that arise and that we can answer or help develop an answer). To do this, it is necessary to talk to the children as soon as possible. Postponing the inevitable won’t help!
Sometimes children ask questions that we won’t be able to answer, and it’s normal to say that we don’t know the answer or that we don’t share that concern, so if they find an answer, they’ll share it with us and us. you can talk to them about it.
In addition, it is important to choose a quiet, known and safe place for the child, after that we must be careful that our message is appropriate for their age, without using euphemisms or abstract explanations, giving too many details will not help either. . Finally, there are a number of expressions that should not be used to communicate death to a child:
It is very important to take all this into account when we have to report the death of a loved one to a child, yet we must not forget that this is a complex task and that the more normal the subject at home, the easier it will be to talk about it when a loved one dies.
Images courtesy of Raitiu Bia, Vanessa Bumbeers and Gaelle Marcel.