In this article, we’ll talk about toxic mothers. However, it should be remembered that there are also toxic parents and grandparents, who are teachers in the education of children without fostering personal growth and safety, with this, dedicated to the world in the future, their physical and emotional independence can be seriously compromised. .
The role of the mother is almost always stronger in the education of her children, it is she who defines the bond of affection and affection with the child who will eventually leave her arms and continue in the world knowing that she has a mother. who loves her. He will always have the reference of his unconditional love, but in a healthy way, because he has matured intelligently.
- Toxic mothers offer their children an immature love.
- Projecting their insecurities into them to reaffirm themselves and thus better control their lives and that of their children.
Oddly enough, behind the behavior of a toxic mother lies love. However, we all know that in terms of love, there are two sides of the same coin: one dimension capable of promoting the personal development of the individual, either at the couple or family level, and another, more toxic. side, where selfish and selfish love is exercised, sometimes in a suffocating way, which can become completely destructive.
What is worrying is that families with these toxicity devices do so in children, individuals in the process of personal maturation, trying to establish their personality and develop their self-esteem, all this will leave great gaps in children, great insecurities that sometimes become second to none.
Let’s look at the described psychological dimensions of toxic mothers:
Sometimes they have a clear lack of self-esteem and self-reliance that forces them to see their children as a “salvation,” something they have to model and control to have by their side, to fill their gaps.
When they notice that children become independent and able to build their own lives, they feel great anxiety because they fear loneliness above all. So, are they able to implement “skill tricks”?To continue to maintain them, to project them, from the beginning, their own lack of self-esteem, their own insecurities.
These mothers are used to controlling all aspects of their lives and are starting to try to do the same in their children’s lives, they do not respect the limits. For them, control is synonymous with safety, which makes them feel great.
The complicated part of this situation is that they often exercise this control thinking they are doing well, showing love.
“Will I make your life easier, will I control your affairs to make you happy?
“I just want what’s best for you so you don’t have to make a mistake
Control is the worst act of overprotection. With it, it prevents children from being independent, capable, and courageous, and prevents them from learning from their mistakes.
“I want you to have what I didn’t do” T, “I don’t want you to make the same mistakes as me,” “I want you to become what I couldn’t become. “
Sometimes toxic mothers project dissatisfied desires from their own past into their children, without questioning whether that’s what their children want, without giving them a choice, they think they show unconditional love, when in fact they show a false love. love interest.
Be aware that you need to break the cycle of toxicity, you have lived there for a long time, you know the injuries it has caused you, but now understand that you need to open your wings to be yourself, to be happy. It’s going to be hard, but should you start saying no?To express your needs and raise your own barriers, those that no one can overcome.
It’s your mother and breaking this cycle of toxicity can cause damage. Sometimes telling the truth may seem harmful, but it’s a vital necessity. This means specifying what you allow and what you don’t. You don’t want to hurt, but I don’t want to suffer either; this must be very clear in your mind.
Recognize manipulation; sometimes it’s so subtle that we don’t realize it, because it can be in any word, in any behavior. And, above all, not fall into “victimization”?when you’re actually the most injured. Always keep that in mind.
Image provided by Anna Radchenko.