Friendships also expire, disappearing like the light of a firefly when it is discovered, like the first cold wind that brings autumn after summer, there are people who disappoint us, and the wound that leaves this loss hurts us and annoys us, no doubt. Over time, however, we learn and begin to become much more selective.
As curious as it may seem, when it comes to friendship the same thing happens with love: we have the friends we think we deserve; it also has a lot to do with self-esteem, with our ability to put filters and understand that relationships, whatever they are, are in turn dynamic entities that change with our own identities.
“A friend is a gift we give ourselves. -Robert Louis Stevenson-
There is no shortage of people who claim that “losing a love hurts, but losing a friend kills. “It is as if in some way this bond based on complicity, in this intimate, spontaneous and highly, gives us equal or more meaningful support than the relationship of love itself.
Well, it must be said that when it comes to research on friendship and its processes, there are not many, not so much in terms of affection and partner, the recorded works that exist in the field of social psychology tell us something very interesting. and at the same time eye-catching: losing a friendship hurts as much as losing a love.
The research published in the journal Epidemology and Community Health also noted that this feeling was felt in the same way by men and women, is it a friend, for most people, an indispensable part of their daily lives, to the point that they are indispensable for physical and emotional well-being.
Branca is 40 years old and has decided to end a friendship that lasted for years, in fact, has accompanied her all her life. She and Elisa grew up together because their mothers were already friends, this brown-eyed, long-legged, authoritarian-voiced girl quickly became her refuge and hell equally.
As a child, Elisa forced her to get involved in activities she didn’t want, broke an arm as she tried to climb with her on the school wall because she had ordered it, it was with her that she shared the first confidences of her first loves. She’s also the one who stole from all the boys Branca loved. During all these years, Branca maintained a co-dependent friendship with a manipulative person, someone who didn’t know how to leave or how to say “stop taking advantage of me. “
It is very likely that more than one will feel identified with this small example, but the key question is: why is it so difficult to end a friendship that brings us more problems than benefits?Here are some explanations.
The first reason is simple: we believe that we owe loyalty to that person; perhaps because there are so many shared experiences, many years together and many confidential confidences, but there is one thing we need to consider.
Sometimes the fear of loneliness makes many people carry highly damaging, exhausting and contaminated friendships on their shoulders, this is not correct, so we must remember the following: good friendships are what make us better every day, not They seek to change us, but to improve us as human beings, because we ourselves know that we deserve well-being, balance and happiness.
Gretchen Rubin, author of an interesting book known as “Project Happiness,” explains that many of us go through our daily lives with the feeling of being adrift. This concept is interesting because, as the author he or she describes it, drifting means making the decision with curiosity. not to decide on what we want and don’t want in our own lives.
“There are those who think that to be friends you only have to love, as if to be healthy enough to be healthy. -Aristotle-
Not making or postponing decisions means living surrounded by an imitation of happiness, in which small relationships form, people who repeatedly disappoint us and who always keep us by our side, we allow that out of loyalty or for fear of being alone, as we have done. noted above.
It should be noted that those years of childhood and adolescence were left behind in those of us who did not apply filters, where we let anyone in because we were hungry for experiences, emotions and novelties, maturity means above all being selective and seeking quality in all our relationships.
Disappointments, if provoked deliberately and repeatedly, give us an obvious clue about the human quality of this person, we have to act and make a decision, even if it hurts, even if that friendship has accompanied us half a life or a lifetime. , because it hurts, it hurts and it burns our hearts, it’s not friendship.
Let us learn to be selective, to value the true friendships, the most magical and exciting, those that teach us, those that add to us and with which we contribute, those that help us develop the best version of ourselves.