When the family affects the relationship, the foundation of the relationship shakes and the situation becomes more complicated, that’s when we learn to deal with situations we may not be prepared for, let’s think about it: when we choose who to share our lives with, in a way, we also choose their family.
This is not a new issue, as we know. However, in the midst of these situations orchestrated by interfamily dynamics, conflicts, clashes and differences remain (on average) quite recurring. In addition, as several studies reveal, including a study published in Psychology Today, three out of four couples experience significant problems with their in-laws and 60% of women experience disagreements with their partners’ mothers.
- “All happy families are the same; But does every unhappy family have a particular reason to be unhappy?Leon Tolstoy-.
In a way, it reminds us of Stanley Kramer’s wonderful film, “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner. “In it, the parents of the young woman who had just joined a black man make a reflection that sums up the essence of these conflicting situations. Parents believe they are educating their children in the best way possible; they teach values and guidelines, but in the end, they choose emotional partners who don’t always meet the expectations of the family.
Parents often do not define their children as free people who are able to choose their own paths, goals or people to love, but see them more as personal projects on which they have projected a number of ideals, so when you start a relationship, often the shadow of disappointment, the uncomfortable sound of something that bothers you and , above all, that elongated shadow that threatens the family project?
When the family affects the relationship, the basis of that relationship may be affected if the issue is not discussed.
There are families of many kinds. Besides, as Oscar Wilde said, nothing is as closed and mysterious as a house where the curtains are closed and no one imagines what’s going on, what’s going on there, but we can’t generalize. There are parents, of course, characterized by the principle of emotional health who understand that there are limits, who know how to facilitate and respect, as far as possible, the relationship of their children with their partners.
However, the opposite is also true. The affection of the family becomes toxic, dominant and even authoritarian. Besides, do you sometimes start a relationship without knowing it?We carry in the package a family where there are poisonous rivalries and the most unfavorable dynamics. We always talk about a classic and antagonistic relationship with the in-laws, but do you forget the inherited problems, such as the rivalry between brothers, conflicting cousins, very critical uncles and sons-in-laws, the in-laws who are involved in everything?
Thus, it can be said that a family is a microcosy loaded with multiple meanings and dynamics, we can conflict with older parents who are trying to maintain their position of authority or with mothers accustomed to passive-aggressive behaviors, we may have disagreements of ideas. how to raise a child, of religious or political ideas, or constantly with the certainty that for this family we are not good enough and when everything affects us begins to destabilize, when the family affects the relationship and goes beyond the limits of our intimacy, we must face the challenge of reorienting the situation without suffering.
There are those who choose extreme decisions, put the pair between the cross and the sword to force them to choose, there are those who make allies and thus cause real storms, others choose silence. Others make victims who endure everything for the love of the couple. Then, sooner or later, all these situations end up affecting the relationship, reaching situations as sad as they are disappointing.
Although, in many cases, we wanted to be able to erase or disable the presence of these conflicting families that sometimes accompany our partners in the appendix, we can say that there are better options.
In conclusion, even if the family influences the relationship, it is not always for the worse, in fact, many families leave room for reflection in times of crisis, on the contrary, if the influence is negative, it is important to reach an agreement. with the couple on how to act, so that we can get their support, if we do it is very likely that the couple will be strengthened from the challenge and the conflict will be resolved.
When the family affects the relationship, it’s important to agree on how to act.