It is common to say that children disappoint parents, however, when parents fail with their own children, willingly or not, a less visible barrier is created, so aspects such as disrespect, support, attention or protection are silent consequences that often accompany us in adulthood in the form of injuries and needs.
We know that raising and raising a child is no easy task, there are few courses and many challenges, the best parents do not receive prizes and the worst are not punished, mistakes, as well as successes, are printed on children’s lives silently and secretly within the family. These children will grow up and mature as they handle everything they’ve been through.
- “Disappointment is a kind of bankruptcy: the bankruptcy of a soul that spends many hopes and expectations” – Eric Hoffer-.
On the other hand, and curiously, it can be said that many parents tend to underestimate the influence they have on their children, as explained by a study by Stanford University’s Department of Psychology, attention is neglected to the impact of certain behaviors. include the type of language used or even the way a parent treats others outside the family environment.
Raising a child is not only ensuring survival, a child also feeds on what he sees, hears and feels, nothing is a fluke in creation and education, everything is processed and integrated into one’s own being in the form of a brand or a positive. growth momentum.
Love is not always enough to start a family: you have to know how to love. Sometimes excessive affection leads to overprotection that hinders children’s emotional and personal development. At other times, this love that always seeks the best for a son or daughter sets up an education marked by strict guidelines, uncompromising orders, and assertive education.
Parents make mistakes with their own children in many ways, often without being aware of them, for a very simple reason: they have a distorted and unedioned view of what affection is. Therefore, a father’s intelligent love for his children is one that fosters growth. in every way, especially in the emotional and psychological aspects. A love that fosters autonomy and sets up a secure and happy identity.
Although on many occasions these parents do their best, this is not enough, as they cannot act differently for several reasons. Let’s look at some of them.
There are couples, men and women, who have a distinctly immature personality that makes them unable to adequately raise their children, irresponsibility, inconsistency in educational standards and lack of pedagogical habits and strategies undoubtedly create very complicated situations with serious consequences.
When parents fail with their own children, there is an injury, that of disappointment, a mark that cannot always be erased and that can even condition our relationships with others: with more mistrust or disapprove.
There are mothers and fathers who consider the creation with the weight of a very obvious traumatic past, sometimes with the still painful memory of abuse, adversity or open wounds, all this usually affects the quality of a child’s education, of course, not everything. The cases are the same, however, in these circumstances very extreme behaviors often occur.
There are parents who cannot digest the weight of their own traumatic childhood and cast this indifference on their children, others, on the other hand, still frightened by this shadow of the past, tend to overprotect.
Frustrated dreams, interrupted projects, missed goals, missed goals, etc. All this pit of frustration, sometimes stored in a father, finds hope with the arrival of a son. That’s when they begin to lay the foundation for their best project: to make this child achieve what his father or mother did not achieve in his day.
This educational dynamic completely rejects children’s needs, suppresses their desires and even their own childhood and adolescence, another way parents fail with their children.
Just as we cannot choose our parents, they cannot choose their children, children arrive with their own characteristics, personalities, peculiarities and needs, knowing how to respond in the best possible way is undoubtedly the greatest obligation of any parent.
On the contrary, neglecting or even condemning these needs is an attack on the integrity of the child, so sometimes after the rebellious, provocative or provocative conduct of a child, there are many unmet needs, gaps and unmet gaps that the creation of these parents have not been able to resolve effectively.
In conclusion, we know that disappointments are marks that somehow we all carry on our backs. Sometimes they weigh on us and overwhelm us too much. There’s no doubt about this. However, these conscious or unconscious mistakes made by our parents do not necessarily have to condition or limit the quality of our lives.
The power to forgive them or is not in our hands, but knowing how to release the weight of the past to live the present in the best way is an essential obligation for all parents. Another (and not least) Our obligation is to prevent these mistakes made by our parents from affecting the education of our own children. It is in our power to transform the past into a learning experience that serves to build the best of the future.