When someone hurts your feelings, you have two choices. The first is to hide the face and try to disguise the pain, which seems strong, the second and healthiest is to defend yourself, to have an adequate emotional expression to protect self-esteem.
If your feelings hurt frequently or intensely and you don’t react, they hurt you inside, every day a little more, because it’s not the one that resists, the one that shuts up or the one that contains what it feels like. Strong is the one that gives. The same permission to express your emotions and needs by imposing limits. We know it’s not easy, but it’s important because protecting our feelings is an exercise in emotional health and mental hygiene.
- We often hear someone say that there is nothing harder than being an adult.
- It is only at this stage of life that we realize that aspects such as work.
- Money.
- Family and personal development are nothing less than chaos in which we try to sustain ourselves.
- We tend to focus on that and forget.
- However.
- That the most important moments in our lives are childhood and adolescence.
Because? It is in these early stages of life that our most valuable learning occurs, one of the most important is undoubtedly the one that has to do with our emotional abilities, let’s think for a moment?Did anyone teach us to differentiate an emotion from a feeling from our childhood?Have you educated us to assert ourselves?
The reality is that these learnings do not always happen as they should, so we reach adulthood a little lost, a little vulnerable and very sensitive to the dynamics of a life that is not always easy, a life in which even the most important people for us?and mainly they can at some point hurt our feelings What should we do in these cases?
Does resistance or suppression of an emotion cause pain?. – Frederick Dodson-
When you hurt your feelings, how do you react normally? People usually fall into one of two cases: shut up or respond immediately with anger, outrage, or uncontrollable sadness; now everything gets a little more complicated when someone crossing that invisible line is someone closer to us. Be it our partner, family, friend or even our boss.
Complications occur in these situations. You can feel the weight of offense, that’s for sure, but how to act?How do we deal with this situation?How can I tell the person who has hurt me without getting angry, without being aggressive but also sending a clear message?Emotional communication is very important and we have to work to develop it. Here are some tips, that can be of great help:
In a study published in the journal Nature, renowned neurphysiologist Antonio Damsio recalls the importance of knowing how to differentiate an emotion from a feeling: to begin with, an emotion is a whole set of chemical and neural responses that we experience in the presence of a stimulus. Is our body the first to feel the impact of something that changes our homeostasis?Our inner balance.
Once we have named our feelings and what is in us (humiliation, outrage, pain, disappointment, sadness?) The next step will be to communicate with them, so let’s keep in mind the personal pronoun of the first person, “I”.
Perhaps in our routine it is difficult to start our sentences with this pronoun, however, in assertive emotional communication it is very necessary, so when your feelings are hurt you should, for example, act in the following way:
If someone hurts you, you have to take into account a very clear idea: defend yourself, clarify the situation and create the foundations so that the situation does not happen again, for this we will invite the other person to exercise an emotional responsibility with us What does that mean?Basically, the following:
In conclusion, one more aspect is that these processes take time, learning to reaffirm and manage emotions to communicate effectively is something we do with practice, so remember, if you hurt your feelings, apply these strategies and you’ll see changes.