When someone says, “I know how you feel,” it can seem like a beautiful gesture of empathy; However, from a psychological point of view, this is not always correct, in fact, we cannot imagine the emotional reality that the person has. Therefore, it will always be better to listen and say that you have our full support.
It may seem ironic, but it often happens that we don’t always know how we feel. So when someone tells us they know exactly what we’re going through, that’s not the right thing to do. We are not all experts in counselling or psychological strategies, so it is common for these situations to occur on a daily basis.
- We also live these situations with the people closest to us.
- Similarly.
- It is also very common for parents to use this expression when talking to their children.
- Say.
- I know how you feel.
- A lot of times it prevents the child from telling us exactly what’s going on.
- In his own words.
What we cannot forget is that every person, every human being is a unique universe, some of them are inhabited by chaos systems, by drifting planets and small black holes that none of us can reach.
“Be clear who you are and say how you feel, because those who bother don’t matter and those who matter won’t be disturbed. “Fritz Perls?
Most people have a bad habit: we tend to take on things instead of asking, because we use phrases instead of sounding the emotional state of others, so we do less cognitive effort and save time.
For example, when a coworker says they had a bad day with their partner, we are likely to say, “I know how you feel. ” That said, we believe that we generate empathy and connection with the person. We forget that the emotional structure of a person will never be similar to ours, no internal reality is equal to the other.
A study conducted at the University of Virginia by doctors Lane Beckes and James A. Coan showed something interesting. The human brain has a series of neural models aimed exclusively at connecting with others, often we do so with such intensity that we can feel the same suffering as the person in front of us.
Now, do you feel what the other feels?it doesn’t always allow us to understand precisely the personal reality of the other. A mother can suffer for her child and not know what’s going on. A friend can suffer for another without knowing what’s really happening to him. know how to connect properly and, above all, with respect.
Say, I know how you feel, it’s not always a proper strategy, at least not in most cases.
Whether it’s a child, a teenager, our best friend, an older person or a stranger, we should avoid the phrase “I know how you feel” as much as possible. In fact, don’t assume that, even in the same situation, two people experience the same emotional realities.
An example: in a study conducted at the University of Geneva by Drs. Klaus R. Scherer and Agnes Moors, a very curious experiment was carried out, the same question was asked to 3000 adults: how would you feel if you heard two friends speak ill of you?
Well, as impressive as it sounds, up to 14 types of emotions have been identified, there were those who were angry. Others felt shame and disappointment, some felt guilt, some felt guilt, some said they felt indifference because anyone who says wrong to others behind their backs is simply not a friend.
Knowing this, let’s see what alternatives we can use to avoid “I know how you feel. “
First of all, the most important thing is to know how to listen. Never forget that certain phrases and words can build walls.
Many times, am I here with you, help more than any other expression, after all, to be present, to create a climate of closeness in which we do not sanction ourselves or make judgments, let alone place ourselves above each other. . Let’s think about it.