There are people who are willing to do anything or endure any humiliation in the name of love, they assume that when you love too much, there must be altruism above all else, that is, offer unconditional affection and forgive a thousand and once. if all this is necessary so as not to lose or upset the loved one.
Within this group of people are, for example, mothers who still pay their children’s debts, know that it is not fair, but end up justifying an action in the name of love, there are also the people who sleep with those who abuse them. They never split up or never split up to come back soon after. They argue that when you love yourself too much, no offense is capable of breaking that bond.
- The truth is that in such cases we do not face unusual love.
- But an addiction.
- Which leads the person to feel a kind of affection that seems overwhelming and uncontrollable.
- Literally these people feel that they cannot live without the other.
- That’s why they’re willing to do anything but break that bond.
- In such cases.
- In fact.
- The person does not like it too much.
- She does not love herself.
“The victim depends on the abuser, there is an emotional addiction. But does the aggressor also depend on the victim because he bases his self-esteem on domination?. – Ana Isabel Gutierrez Salegui-
One co-pendent person, inadvertently, acts on one principle: I need you to need me, it’s his way of creating meaningful connections in life, your basic attitude is that the other serves as a buffer for all the negative consequences that arise from that. person’s actions.
This is associated with a perspective in which the person himself does not take into account himself, apparently your needs and desires must always be in the background, the only thing that really matters are the needs and desires of the other, therefore, they are willing to sacrifice themselves. They explain this unfair situation simply by saying that when too much is loved, the limits of abandonment disappear.
However, this situation creates suffering and anxiety. When you love too much, you’re also likely to have trouble sleeping or experience constant anxiety, dietary changes, or difficulties in other areas. These people claim to love each other, but sooner or later they become. their care and dedication in a line of control, aimed at keeping the other attached to themselves.
The hallmark of codependency is that, on the one hand, there is someone who desperately wants to feel useful, or rather in need; this feeling cannot be obtained from an independent and mature person; there must be a fragile person with many Then a bond is formed in which, at a pole, there is someone with needs and difficulties, who does not want to be responsible for himself; and at the other pole is the co-dependent person, who somehow assumes this responsibility that does not belong to him.
The result is unhealthy symbiosis. A kind of relationship in which there is abuse on both sides, in fact, is there a topical agreement: one of the parties?To not solve your own problems and the other to prevent the opposite from happening, in exchange for one?Love?unconditional. It is a neurotic confusion that is difficult for those involved to recognize and analyze.
Therefore, the co-descendant feeds the abusive behavior of the addict, his excessive consumption, his anger, his passivity or others, and also his excessive demands. This helps not draw boundaries. What scares the co-lieutenant the most is that the other person won’t need it anymore. In his mind, if this were to happen, the other person would probably leave, because he would no longer need his protection. Layer.
When you love too much, you may be able to hide a deep fear of abandonment. Love, does suffering prevail, not happiness. It is common among people with child needs or abuses that have not been worked. It’s possible to get out of that situation when you recognize that a lot of what you feel and do is not the result. of love, but of fear. Or when the people involved decide to cultivate self-love rather than project that lack into each other.