Mistakes are inseparable companions of life, as well as knowledgeable teachers, when and when we strive to learn from them. Depending on our perspective, a mistake can be an opportunity for success, an experience of deep suffering, or an additional event in our lives.
Attitude to our mistakes is the most important of all, the suffering derived from error can exert great power over us, especially if we are demanding, however, who is the main protagonist that makes us feel so bad when we are wrong?, we present it to you: internal criticism.
- Do you remember that little voice that goes up inside you and is dedicated to judging how you act.
- Think or feel?It does not have a very high tone.
- But even in its whisper.
- The effects it can have on us are surprising.
- We can’t see what it looks like.
- Aren’t you too fat?but what we know for sure is that the consequences of listening to it can be devastating.
Well, we present to you this character who inhabits our interior and who, in some people, acts as the main protagonist of their lives and, in others, as a supporting actor: his name is Critical and his inner surname, Internal Criticism, already. Knew?
You’re not going to give me this position because I don’t have the skills to ?,?Nothing works for me ?,? I’m a mess, so no one will want to be with me, are just a few examples of what our internal critique tells us.
This little voice we tend to take responsibility for can complicate our emotional health if we don’t find a cure. For her, nothing is ever done right, even if we put all our efforts into it. He knows how to be alert just to leave us. Know that we have strayed from what we take for granted.
If we had to shape it, it would be like a big-eyed monster that adopts a menacing face every time we don’t do what we think is right or make a mistake, which leads to guilt and controls demand. It’s not
This little voice comes from past experiences related to our education or from the painful situations we are experiencing or witnessing to warn us that we are not yet doing things right, they are often criticisms that we internalize and transform into a common pattern of thoughts.
They taught us the value of demand, effort and commitment, but they forgot to warn us that not everything can be perfect, the world is neither black nor white, it is full of gray, and we must be aware of it. perfection makes us insistent, but at the same time anxious and stressed, plunged into guilt and frustration if we don’t get what we want.
For the internal critic, there is only one “right” path, and if we deviate from it, we will suffer again. Basically, his intention is not bad, trying to protect us from criticism, rejection, shame and condemnation. in his lack of flexibility and his way of communicating out of fear, threat and contempt.
Also, the more credibility we give it, the more power it will have over us, transforming it into our usual way of thinking.
As we have seen, our internal criticism will emerge as a reminder when we are wrong, despise, and blame; their appearance will depend on how we feel, appearing at times when we are most vulnerable, distorting reality and attacking our self-esteem.
So far we have learned that he commands and obeys, without question, we play executioners and victims at the same time, but if we don’t set limits, he will finally destroy us. What can we do?
First of all, keep in mind that the internal critic grew up with you and established itself as your way of thinking, so you need to identify it so you can consciously orient it and set the right limits, you can even imagine what it’s like. to talk to him when he shows up.
Instead of giving him credibility, question him, but treat him with empathy and respect. Your way of reporting has been defined by criticism because it’s the only thing you’ve been taught, but that doesn’t stop you from showing that there are more ways to let them know that there’s flexibility besides stiffness, that there are many ways to interpret what’s happening to us.
Show him that when you’re wrong the criticism hurts you and that from now on being kind has become the priority for your emotional health.