If we stop to be careful, there are many situations in life where we want something that is not enough, we are fighting with all our might and even making great efforts to achieve our goal, but nothing happens.
It seems that the more you want something, the more it disappears, many times, when we stop wanting so intensely, suddenly a possibility opens up that allows us to realize that desire.
- When we aspire to something happening or happen soon.
- We are already in a state of turmoil and some degree of non-compliance.
- The hours seem days and days seem years.
- We try to use all the patience we have.
- But we cannot get out of our heads what we dream.
Sometimes it’s love, sometimes it’s a job, or money, a cure for a disease, etc. It is necessary to achieve such a thing and we feel that our well-being depends on it.
This situation, in which we aspire to something that does not happen, so to speak, is the opposite side of coincidence, we are unable to align reality with our desire, we are doing what is necessary and, for whatever reason, what we hope will not happen, but why all this?How do you explain this from a psychological point of view?
If you want to build a ship, don’t start looking for wood, cutting boards or split the work, the first thing you have to do is look for men who want the sea to be free. -Antoine de Saint-Exupéry-
The first question we should ask ourselves in these cases is “why do we want something so much?”
The secret is in the word “so much. ” This excess reveals that we have built circumstances that have led us to an emergency, there is a very strong need and their satisfaction becomes a decisive factor for our well-being, can we feel that?One thing we anxiously seek is, illusoryly, essential to our well-being.
The first question helps us understand whether what we really want has the transformative power we think.
Some believe that true love can end loneliness, sadness, and isolation; others believe that a new job will make their lives meaningful. There are also those who think that having a lot of money would end their problems, or that overcoming a certain health problem would allow life to be solved on its own.
Putting happiness into something often leads to distortions of reality, what is common is that it is the cause and consequence of a process of idealization.
Basically, it is part of the idea that there is a whole state of life, a paradise that must be achieved, which is supposedly not a cause for discomfort. The object of our desire represents this paradise in our minds, so do human beings.
The question of why what we want never comes in can have many answers. A first approximation leads us to conclude that sometimes we simply want what does not exist. We are often trapped in impossible desires and unsatisfactory fantasies, such as being saved or becoming something external that makes our existence right.
We believe that the love of another human being will solve our lack of self-esteem, or this social recognition will give us the sense of transcendence that we do not have, perhaps the life we lead and have built so far suddenly disappears and becomes an existence without defects or mistakes today.
If it is politically correct to say that “everything can be achieved”, the truth is that no, not everything can be achieved. There are goals that are impossible to achieve and must be recognized.
We cannot, for example, live forever. Nor is it possible to prevent suffering from reaching our lives, there are also great feats that can be achieved, but which often involve long, constant and very well-directed processes and efforts.
There is also what Jung called “synchronicity. ” Circumstances are created that coincide with the unconscious processes in which we live.
Sometimes we stick only to our rational mind and see that there is a great desire, but that it does not materialize in an achievement, perhaps subconsciously we want something else and, in the end, we end up arriving.
Human beings are so complex that they often want to suffer, of course that’s what they end up doing, but they don’t understand what they did to get to that result.