If you are ashamed of your family it may be because there are unsolved advice or difficulties, taking into account that most conflicts with our family occur in adolescence, it is here when we look at it with a critical and relentless gaze, we want to differentiate ourselves and differentiate ourselves . Therefore, we highlight all its defects and errors, this is a normal part of our development.
However, sometimes these conflicts are not resolved as we mature and persist into adulthood, let’s say that shame is a feeling in which the fundamental point of reference is the gaze of others, this happens when an aspect is discovered of ourselves that we find reprehensible. and we believe that others may resent us. The eyes of others are at the center of everything.
“Men are ashamed, not of the insults they make, but of those who receive. “Giacomo Leopardi?
When you are ashamed of your family, one way or another, it is as if you are ashamed of yourself, humanity is a great tree and each of us is like a leaf, which in turn belongs to a particular branch. of that branch. From him we were born and from there our life was taken shape, so we are part of the family and it is part of us, it is something that constitutes us. Is this shame valid, should we work to overcome it?
A person may be ashamed for many reasons, some reasonable but sometimes we are not ashamed of a particular fact, reality or situation, other times it is a feeling that accompanies us all the time, in extreme cases, we are ashamed to exist, to be who we are, as if our life did not make sense.
Without reaching these extremes, in general, we can say that feelings of shame come from a rigid consciousness, more than others it is our own conscience that raises our hand and points out to us, sometimes, of course, this consciousness coincides with the accusing finger. However, in this case, disapproval, ours or that of another, is accompanied by another element: it was something we wanted to keep hidden.
That is what differentiates shame from guilt, in guilt there is disapproval and a certain feeling of indignity, but the shameful thing is the fact that there is some kind of invasion of our privacy, something that we wanted to keep hidden comes to light, that something is repudiated by ourselves; shame ends up being configured when exposed and assumed, or verified, that it is also disapproved of by others.
If you are ashamed of your particular family, it means that there are aspects of your immediate environment that you find reprehensible and that you want to keep hidden from the eyes of others, aspects that sometimes have to do with an objective reality and are detached from their appreciation.
You may be ashamed of your family because, for example, one or more of your members are involved in illegal activities, in this case the shame is more than justified, because it is a risk to your reputation, however, there are also many cases where the reason for the shame is poverty, or a physical defect, or simply the fact that your family does not conform to a certain pattern that you have in mind.
In both cases there is a problem that needs to be solved, in both cases what exists is an aspect of life that has not been consciously assumed, shame is the awareness of having two faces and it is healthy to integrate all these aspects or facets. To do this, we need to define positions consistent with who we are and what we believe in.
If you are ashamed of your family for objective reasons, it is recommended that you stay away, not necessarily from your family, but from your actions. You can do it openly and not hide. If shame occurs for your class or condition complexes, it may be more appropriate to think about your values. The problem may not be your family, but some of the complexes you use. it’s worth evaluating.