Idealizing is a positive exaggeration of someone else’s virtues, rated for himself to give the other the power of “perfection. “A person who idealizes another usually feels inferior and believes he or she is facing an inaccessible person.
The habit of idealizing is very common in people with low self-esteem. If people do not feel valued, they will immediately positively exaggerate the virtues of others. You could say that the mind thinks something like: “If I’m not worth it I’ll immediately fall in love with someone who has what I don’t have. “
- Is it possible to idealize in many areas: in the couple.
- In friendships.
- In the family.
- Etc.
- ?Those who idealize their partner tend to fall into emotional dependence.
- Because getting someone who seemed unattainable nullifies them.
- Making them slaves to each other.
Seeing that they have someone who was supposed to be impossible, these people go to 200%. Will the priority of these people be the happiness of the other, fulfilling their desires, etc. ?In such cases, individuality is completely lost, to become an incomplete being that needs your partner to be happy.
The people who idealize go beyond reality, and the exaggerated virtues they confer on others are unreal, this means that if you can develop intimacy with that person you have idealized, your eyes will gradually come down and you will see that all human beings are imperfect.
Is it possible that what they loved so much, what they loved so much, one day, when they begin to see “reality,” ceases to please them, and may even cause them great disappointment?
The idealizer creates a fantasy in which he attributes to other characteristics that certainly do not correspond to what the person is; imagination creates the ideal person you would like to know; but when reality appears and you see the flaws, the feet touch the ground, the dream empties and everything crumbles.
In many cases couples are separated for this reason, people who claim that others have failed you, that they were not what they seemed, etc. , it is not always so, sometimes these frustrations are due to idealization.
They did not see reality because in fantasy they created the perfect person and shortly after gaining greater intimacy, the truth appeared and dreams became less real when there was more intimate contact with the person.
Of course, everyone has already idealized someone, for example, when we were little and loved a singer, an actor, a footballer or a celebrity and dreamed of having a romantic encounter in a soap opera.
While admiring this celebrity, we thought that in all other facets it would also be perfect. The truth is, although someone is brilliant and has a lot of fame, behind them are facets where they won’t be so good.
Do we usually see how? People of gods who stand out in a certain way and are also in the media, especially in childhood.
But this not only happens in childhood, many people idealize others for their low self-esteem Do you see someone you love in a proper context and then you think you will be a good person, with a great personality, nice, mature, human, integrated, with good values, etc. ?but the truth is, we don’t know anything about someone else until we know them in a more intimate way.
Looking at the human and imperfect side that we all have and knowing that we are all equal, we all have virtues and flaws, the difference lies in what everyone wants to focus on and how everyone wants to value themselves.
This person you admire and believe is bigger than you, in fact it’s the same, the only difference is that it looks its best at the time, but if you saw its flaws as we all have them, you would certainly come down from the pedestal.
It certainly shines on some things, but in others no, he goes to the bathroom like all mortals, wakes up in the mornings in drowsy or moody air, made mistakes at some point and surely has unreliable secrets that no one should know, otherwise his image would be compromised.
This person also gets sick and has bad things, surely you have done inappropriate things before, we all have different moods and facets during the day, moments of seriousness and responsibility, others to be more natural and human, others when you are super dressed and others when you are in pajamas, slippers and scruffy.
When someone idealizes and puts the other on one pedestal, it’s because they ignore the human and imperfect side we all have.
You certainly see this person at the times of the day when you show your best face, but if you lived 24 hours with that person you find so inaccessible, you would see the myth demystify.
At the end of the day, we’re rational animals. We try to give the best image, show our good side, but the truth is that behind what people want to show hides the human and imperfect reality that we all carry in us.
Photographs courtesy of Paulina Kozlowska and Bruno Vanzieleghem.