Those who argue a lot trying to prove their wisdom or their universal truth, most of the time only show their ignorance, because the intelligent is not the one who wins the discussions, the intelligent is the one who does not provoke them and who, in turn, knows the time to walk away when he realizes that there are battles that are not worth it.
It is therefore clear that the art of discussion has a lot to do with personality, and the way we conduct this process is also related to the education we receive and the family dynamics in which we grew up. universes, so varied and complex at the same time, people often end up integrating the conviction that the one who cries the strongest is the one who gets it right.
- Those who argue rarely do so to show different postures.
- The person tries to disarm.
- Listens to answer and does not understand.
- Thus expanding the misunderstandings to create an environment marked by negativity and tension.
- If since childhood we have seen our parents engage in real disputes based solely on the exchange of grudges.
- We will understand why this kind of dynamic crystallizes from generation to generation.
Certainly there is no one to introduce us to the art of good discussion, all this does not facilitate the management of these situations if the person in front of us is our partner or a close relative, because the more emotional closeness, the greater the side effects and more harmful the rumbling arsenals.
We all know that the most complex discussions are those of a couple. It is a complicated, bitter and intense scenario where emotions are at the forefront. Despite this, the stubbornness in imposing our point of view at the same time as we feel the need?a little desperate?to be understood, so that our arguments are not always as clear or constructive as we would like them to be.
In couples therapy, there’s a theory that never fails when it comes to discussions, that’s the 5% rule. In all this tangle of tensions and excessive differences, there is always a small corner where we can converge. Recognizing that the 5% where we both agree does not mean that we have to abandon our position relative to the remaining 95%.
It is, so to speak, an “island of refuge”, where the couple can sit down and make deals. We must not forget that the ultimate goal of our conversations with our partner is not to “win”, but to “build”. Something that can only be achieved with proper emotional intelligence, respect and the principle of reciprocity.
“I am aware that our financial difficulties concern both of us, but I think you should share your thoughts with me and not close yourself like this. Your isolation puts me in a bad mood, and so do you. We’re both feeding a vicious circle that must end.
You’ve probably already shaken a bottle of soda, when we remove the cork, the liquid inside will explode spilling everything, that’s exactly what happens in these heated discussions, where in just five seconds we can lose everything. anger can cost us a life of repentance.
Emotions are like soft drinks. If we keep them day after day drinking and silent, when we lower our faces and swallow, the day will come when we will simply explode at the worst time, reacting to something in the same second has side effects. it’s not a good choice either.
We suggest that you think below about the strategies we can use to better manage our discussions.
A person can try to stay calm and say what is not worth saying. However, we all have an “alarm button” that manages our limbic system. It’s a brain structure that governs our most instinctive essence and whispers the message “React, you face a threat. “
Do we know that in our language the word?Argument? It has a negative connotation, however, there are discussions that are worthwhile if with respect and attention it is possible to reach agreements, such a thing is only possible if both sides invest in an essential aspect: goodwill.