Perhaps because it is an unknown (or too well-known) situation, the stimulus is not that of openness, but that of rejection, irrational fear of something never leads to a good path, because it is based on the insecurity or trauma of the past. .
You could say that people create their own “wellness bubbles”; a circle where everything is perfect, it’s your way, your taste, with the people you love, etc. Fear appears at the very moment when something or someone arrives to jeopardize that comfort zone, this does not mean that the other person is doing it purposely or consciously, but that the person feels “attacked”. When he sees that something is going to destabilize this perfect world, he gets defensive and to some extent makes sense. It’s the same thing a mother does with her baby, regardless of species.
- For those who think that a relationship is something that takes away their intimacy.
- Freedom and personality.
- It is understandable whether they are afraid or not attracted to commitment (whether it is a formal commitment.
- Coexistence.
- Marriage).
- It is essential to think of love as a state in which we receive and give a lot as well.
- Companionship.
- Well-being.
- Security.
- Etc.
- In this way.
- Fear will disappear and it will be easier to include that person in the bubble.
Okay, that would be an ideal situation that doesn’t always happen, it’s fear, a very powerful weapon that unbalances even the most organized in the world We balance the resources we have with the resources we could lose, not the resources we could gain That’s why we claim that fear is a matter of insecurity, created by different factors and traumas or bad feelings , which can occur for years and years, this certainly leads to other experiences such as frustration, discomfort and depression.
When we do not know how to recognize our own emotional abilities or abilities, we tend to avoid what the “alarm” has given; in this case, a possible formal romantic relationship. You could say that it is a bad adaptation to changes, which should always be seen as a positive thing. A person who considers himself weak or fragile will put on a harness so that no one can touch it. The problem is that the threat is the person himself, not the rest.
? They can’t make personal decisions because they’re too afraid to change and leave the comfort zone they’ve created.
? They are rigid and want everything to be well controlled, because otherwise their defense mechanisms or alarms are activated.
? They usually find it difficult to express their feelings; they never want to delve into an important topic, talk about how they feel or think about something or someone, causing a major failure in communication with their environment.
? They feel so insecure that they can’t bear to be sure, so they tend to speak ill or get the wrong idea about themselves, wanting to convince themselves that they’re not as wonderful as everyone sees them.
? It is likely that he has gone through a dramatic episode during his childhood or adolescence, such as the abandonment of a father, the death of a loved one, a very suffocating creation on the part of the parents, an education too rigid or permissive, having left by a former partner, etc.
? They are very attractive people and great conquerors, something contradictory is that they look for a stable relationship to feel protected, but then they cannot cope with the situation, at some point fear sets in and they can no longer move on. .
? They justify their fears or insecurities in different ways, but they never talk about what is really going on, are not responsible or feel, so they try to break the relationship to regain so-called stability and thus move away from this change in your bubble.
1? Admit that there is an emotional limitation, in which it is necessary to work. Assess real needs and risk leaving the comfort zone to achieve something else, something better. Having good self-esteem is paramount.
2? Overcome fear by looking at him. A very precise phrase by Jiddu Krishnamurtu says “do what you fear and fear will die. “You can follow several strategies, but the most common is not to avoid what is scary, because running away does not solve problems.
3? Gradually make changes, little by little, to help the mind adapt before moving on to the next one. In this way, the person still thinks that he is in control, even with minimal variations. The brain trains like any muscle in the body. .
4? Building self-confidence: positively worthy and recognizing your capabilities and limitations; these are not bad and can be an excellent source of learning.
5? Express the feelings, little by little too, and on the other hand, welcome them with pleasure, this reduces tensions and relaxes. It may not be possible to express yourself face-to-face at first, but you can write it in a notebook or speak in front of the mirror.
6? Trust: This is the key to any relationship. If you have had a bad experience, it does not mean that the current experience is the same; good communication is the key to building trust.