We’ve all met people in their lives who don’t want to be helped. Most commonly, they correspond to one of these two cases: they are people who want to help everyone, but who have difficulty accepting help; or they’re people who have a serious problem and still don’t accept anyone’s help.
In both cases the situation is very frustrating for others, whoever meets these people cannot understand why they do not allow themselves to be helped, even if they need it, this can become irritating and can be interpreted as carelessness or reluctance to solve problems. .
- “The biggest spectacle is watching a worker fight adversity; But is there an even bigger one: watching another man help him?Oliver Goldsmith?.
The truth is that it is almost never like this, the reasons why some people are not allowed to receive help involve a deeper problem, although they suffer and need others, find it very difficult to trust someone, this can be an unconscious blockage. or simply because they have trouble recognizing that they need to change.
It is very common for those who help everyone to have difficulty asking for or accepting the help of others, they are people who have built an identity in which it is valid to give, but not receive, they believe that they should meet others. needs, ignoring their own problems.
One way or another, they don’t let themselves be helped by others because they think they’d be betrayed that way?Mission? In life, at odds with the image and the person they want to build. You think that accepting the help of others is a nuisance, that is, it creates a big problem and causes a lot of shame.
There is also the case for people who do not want to be helped because they believe that accepting help generates a debt that the other can collect whenever and however they want. They do not understand that it may be a satisfaction for others to help and that it does not create any obligation. That is why it is often necessary to show him fondly that this is not the case.
The second case concerns people who don’t let themselves be helped, even if they are going through very difficult situations, everyone realizes that they need help, but if someone tries to help them they are rejected, the most typical example is this person who is addicted. The most common thing is that they refuse, sometimes out of anger, to accept that someone, to give them a hand, get out of their situation.
In such cases, the person generally doesn’t even admit that he has a problem, that way you don’t think you need help, part of your problem is precisely his denial, this happens with addicts, but also with people who are overwhelmed by depression, anxiety or other disorders and are not aware of it.
Interestingly, in these cases, the symptom itself is an adaptive response that the person has built to support his life, is it adaptable?In the sense that it allows you to interpret your reality in a way that allows you to move on. For example, someone who is depressed builds the fantasy that he is sad because he is more sensitive than others and not because of a disease; however, this fantasy allows you to explain your way of life and keep it that way, even with a lot of suffering.
In the first case, among those who help everyone but do not allow themselves to help, it is necessary to clarify the situation, to show with affection that their interest in helping them was born of genuine appreciation and that being able to help them is a source of satisfaction, not sacrifice or great effort.
In the second case, those who don’t let themselves help even when they need it, the situation is a little more complex, which requires more patience and tact. Always being there, showing interest and trying to accept the person as he is can be a way for them to let us down and let us participate in your life. The most important thing is not to give in to the temptation to press you all the time to try to change it, sometimes the concern for the other takes this form and our intervention, loaded with all the good intentions of the world, ends up hurting. the other one.
We have to respect everyone’s rhythm. Most of the time they need time to understand that they need help, in the most severe cases it is advisable to consult a professional to know how to help people who do not want to be helped and how to do it effectively.