There is a type of cold that sticks out of the skin and adheres to the senses, deep in our being, is the painful cold of those who do not take us into consideration, of those who neglect us, of those who are suddenly rude or do something unexpected and painful. Why do the people I love hurt me? As surprising as it may seem, we ask ourselves this question several times during our lifetime.
British poet George Granville said there is no pain more devastating than that caused by love. In a way, nothing more true. Because people invest a lot of emotional energy in these bonds, that support we need on a daily basis because affection takes root, affection creates bonds and generates trust, allowing us to feel safe and validated in our relationships.
- Thus.
- The fact that this universe of emotions and emotions is broken hurts as much or more than a physical injury.
- Do we expect too much from the people around us.
- Who form our inner circle? Some might say that we have sinned because we are innocent.
- However.
- There is a crucial aspect that we must understand.
Any social and emotional connection is the product of an un written covenant by which it should not be harmed, this principle applies to family relationships, between parents and children, between brothers, it is also hoped that our partner will not betray us and have no behavior. capable of generating pain. The same goes for people we consider to be companions of life, friends of the soul.
Let’s get more into this
Manuel Hernández Pacheco, psychologist and biologist at the University of Malaga, wrote in 2019 a book entitled Why do the people I love hurt me?In it, he addresses the issue from a neurological perspective, focusing on the concept of attachment and paying special attention to the adolescent population.
People, as social beings, need meaningful connections and healthy attachment figures to feel good, reduce stress and be part of a group, all of this is decisive at a very specific stage in our life cycle: childhood and adolescence.
In this way, the child who feels rejected and wonders why the people he loves hurt him, will feel this psychological pain that is so damaging and capable of causing trauma. In addition, Dr. Pacheco tries to answer the reasons why people, despite being part of painful relationships, cannot escape this devastating cycle of self-esteem.
All these realities are well known. However, beyond the effect of this pain, it is important to know what the reason for these situations is.
There are people who think that everything is permissible in terms of affection, that there are no limits or consequences, are characters who assume that everything they do will always be forgiven, those who think that the mere fact of being in family or couple justifies almost everything.
An example of this would be a friend who shares our confidences with others thinking that we will not be angry, and we can quote a partner who makes decisions without considering ourselves.
They do it because they’re sure that whatever their decision, we’ll approve it, that we’ll agree with our eyes closed. They forget that love has conditions, that love deserves respect and daily attention.
Faced with the question “Why do the people I love hurt me?” another question must be asked: are these people aware that they have hurt us?It’s not a ballad. There are people close to them who do and say things regardless of their effects on others, and that’s definitely a big problem.
An example of this is the mother or father who always highlights one child’s achievements by leaving the other behind, doing so unconsciously, no matter what effect it has.
On the other hand, there is a decisive aspect. If we don’t set limits or avoid what we can’t tolerate or what causes us pain, it’s quite possible that others will continually overcome them without knowing they’re hurting us.
As we have pointed out, in every social bond there is an implicit pact that tells us that no one should hurt another, it is also a principle of coexistence and respect.
Now, if I always wonder why the people I love hurt me and I still feel hurt, maybe the problem comes from me.
In conclusion, it may be important to evaluate different possibilities, the first is whether these relationships are worthwhile, the second is to analyze self-esteem and self-image, we must never settle for a love that hurts, nor neglect the affection we give ourselves.