We know they’re not good, they’ll hurt us, but a kind of masochistic instinct unfolds every time we see one of these men and it becomes totally irresistible.
Chemistry is not the same for them, there are risks, there is intensity, there is danger, there is emotion, it is a completely intoxicating cocktail.
- And when he disappears.
- The one we obviously tried to change.
- We cried and cried for days.
- Regretting how stupid we were.
And then you fell in love, the only way smart women can fall in love? Yes, like an “idiot”; even though he could never understand all the poems she read to him to explain her love ?? – Angeles Mastretta-
These men represent what we love, which we find interesting, risky, dangerous, different, we know will disappear overnight without saying anything, that they will go out with someone else, but we love them.
What attracts us so much?
We all feel great satisfaction for breaking the rules and being with someone your parents have forbidden you to be with or who you know you shouldn’t be with is a real pleasure.
This is what experts call “conscious fear,” which is not painful but rewarding. English psychologist Michael Belint argues that the pleasure of the dark side appears because we are responsible for this attraction and can control it.
But not all of us feel the same desire for the forbidden, because they also influence the cultural, environmental and genetic factors that build and shape this desire.
When a man looks at you, pays attention to you, you want to be the one, the only one, even for a moment, for a few hours, it’s you who he talks to, who he looks at, the girl he wants.
Although we know it will be ephemeral, we want it because it makes us feel good, for a while you will be the only one.
In the initial phase of blindness of relationships with men who fail, we are wrong to think that we will be able to change them.
It is a phase of passion in which we do not see the defects of others, in which our brain secretes so many endorphins that reason is totally distorted.
Although we wait for a phone call or a message from you for hours, although we know it will disappear, although we are aware that it will not last, we know that it will be fun and we will continue to the end.
But all these ideas are the result of romantic love for cinema; it’s an incomplete love.
Love, to be complete, must bring many aspects together, but above all three elements: sexual desire (Eros), friendship of companion (Philia) and selfless love of the other (Agape). Without these three elements, something will fail and the relationship will not work.
Peter Jonason, New Mexico State University (USA). U. S. ), he conducted a study of 200 students at the center to show that women prefer men who are not good but embrace the good.
Jonason categorized men according to three personality characteristics he called “the black triad of psychological traits. “
In men who do not contribute narcissism, it relates to short-term mating, which occurs in men who compete with their own sex, and then repel their partners immediately after sex.
Psychopathy often manifests itself in a great lack of sensitivity and lack of empathy; in short-term relationships this profile succeeds because psychopaths have a totally superficial false charm.
Machiavelism is linked to lack of sincerity, duplication and manipulation, which promotes promiscuity.
Jonason’s study found that those men who had more?in their personalities, tended to have more short-term partners and relationships.
In the long run, women’s choice changes
Dr. Gayle Brewer of central Lancashire University in the UK argues that for short relationships, women choose the wrong children, but for long-term relationships, women prefer good and caring children to the children who pass them on. and camaraderie.
“In impossible loves, is hope the first thing that is lost?-Walter laughs-
Walter Riso, Argentine psychologist, in your book?Said:? Did they teach us that hope is the last one to die?And is this probably true in some extreme situations? But in impossible love or in declared and demonstrated love, despair is a balm, if you no longer like it, Don’t expect anything, don’t anticipate positively: an intelligent pessimist is better than an ill-informed optimist.
Therefore, when man disappears, has stopped looking for you, or has simply changed you for another, you must lose hope as soon as possible, regain your self-esteem. But how?
Riso offers several techniques that will improve your self-esteem, after a breakup or a relationship that doesn’t work, which are:
“I’ve fallen in love with life, is he the only one who won’t let me before I do?-Pablo Neruda-