All of us, whether we are men or women, young or old, can find ourselves in an emotionally dependent relationship. Sometimes we think it can’t happen to us, but it’s worth considering that these people probably also thought they’d never like that. Situation.
So, before we become so radical in our statements, we must ask ourselves: what can lead us to build a relationship of dependence?How do we realize we’re in a relationship like this?
- On the one hand.
- If we are aware of what a relationship of domination and dependence entails.
- We can more easily realize that we are in a dysfunctional relationship.
- And that can give us more strength to change the situation.
- Will be able to detect when other people are in an addictive relationship.
- And will therefore try to warn them carefully.
We all have expectations about ourselves and the couple we would like to have, these ideas are influenced by social and cultural beliefs, in our case we learned that to be happy you have to have a partner and give priority to the couple first of all. (Castello, 2006) We are always looking for relationships that complement us, to meet our needs, we look out rather than look inwards, this means that we cannot be enough for ourselves, that we have fears and that we seek others to prevent them.
“If we do not feel enough for ourselves, then we depend on each other, and if we depend on each other, we are not free” – Villegas-
On the other hand, the way in which emotional ties are established is strongly conditioned by the way we experience attachment behaviors in childhood (Guix, 2011), for example, if we were overprotected, we would feel insecure and would look for people who. On the other hand, if we have little or no emotional connection, we will desperately search for someone to give us the love we need.
The type of relationship we observe between our parents also influences our relationships, for example, if in our environment we see a relationship of domination and dependence, in which it seems that we can love and receive abuse at the same time, we could establish a relationship of domination and dependence. Relationship of the same style since we know first hand the mechanisms that maintain it.
In any case, ideally we will not look for half of the orange that completes us, since it does not exist, we are actually complete and responsible for our own happiness, we will also have to create our Criteria when choosing how we want to relate to our partner, without letting ourselves be influenced (excessively) by any standard. It’s important to be clear about what we want and what we don’t want in a relationship.
Living in an addictive relationship, we cannot be ourselves, we feel limited and helpless, always trying to please or not disturb our partner Feel anxiety, mistrust, guilt, fear, etc. ?Symptoms? That may be due to low self-esteem, feeling that we are not worth it or that we are inferior to our partner, the excessive need of the other, fear or intolerance of loneliness.
“If we are not ourselves, if we are only in each other, if we are the reflection, our self-esteem depends on whether the light reaches us or not. Like the moon, when it doesn’t get sunlight, it’s so if it doesn’t exist?-Villegas-
Also, when we’re in a toxic relationship, do we tend to endure more than we should: unpleasant devaluing comments, incriminating looks and silences, censorship, invasion of privacy, constant questions to verify, lies?It can even withstand verbal and physical aggression. Sometimes the idealization of the couple leads us to excuse their behavior (fatigue, nervousness, give their best, etc. ) and we think that will change. Other times it’s the precipice we imagine that stops us.
It is not easy to see that we are in a relationship of emotional dependence, but there are always indicators and signs that reflect this dysfunction, such as emotions, our own emotions show us that the relationship is not working well, in a healthy relationship, we have should not feel fear or suffering.
“Emotions expose problems so that reason can solve them. Greenberg?
When we are in the relationship, we can lose perspective and see only what we like about our partner; in fact, we don’t see what we don’t want to see and often notice that we’ve come a long way (Grad, 2015). So is it important to listen and think? Don’t systematically obey the sincere advice of people who know us well. As much as we don’t like others saying, “This person is not for you, do you have to leave him?”and that we think you don’t understand us? Maybe they’re right.
But why do we endure a relationship that makes us suffer?Especially when we assume that it is an open relationship that we have because we believe that our partner is an important support, a source of trust in which we can find some unconditionality. Otherwise, it may be necessary to break the dynamic or reconsider the situation.
The truth is that we can have a healthy relationship, without dependence or suffering, based on trust and respect, so it is important to point out that we also have a part of responsibility: we are not responsible for what the other person does, but for what we do. If we change (do we act, do we ask for help?) The situation will change.
Sources:
Castello, J. (2006). Emotional dependence Characteristics and treatment. Madrid: Editorial Alianza.
Grad Powers, M. (2015). The princess who believed in fairy tales. Barcelona: Obelisco Editions.
Greenberg, L. S. (2000) Emotions: an internal guide. Bilbao: Desclée de Brouwer.
Guix, X. (2011). Super so much!They affect affection through commitments. Barcelona: portico. (The Spanish version is How I Love You!By Editorial Aguilar)
Villegas, M. (2011). Prometheus Error: Psychology (duck) of moral development. Barcelona: Herder.