Love, as an abstract concept, is very difficult to define: poets, psychologists and even neuroscientists have tried to give a distinctive and assertive imronta to its definition, but there is always a feeling that it is not possible to define the term in its entirety. .
The truth is that love can be defined by action, which shows that love has an absolutely subjective definition, then we will delve into this topic.
- The family can be seen as the central cell of society and an exchange matrix in which central beliefs.
- Structures of meanings.
- Functions.
- Identity.
- Etc.
- Are established.
- So it is one of the main pillars of people’s psychic life.
In retrospect, in the individualization process? Are we going to be individual?This whole set of conceptualizations, some of which translated into original mandates, are left to each of its members, who will reproduce them?As opposed or membership? In other groups, relationships or families.
On the other hand, in the couple, the family will always be the matrix and reference standard for each of its members, they are those that come from a sense of independent identity mediated by a sense of belonging.
From this point of view, a couple can be defined as a two-person system, which originates from two systems that were formed, in turn, by four systems that, in turn, consisted of eight systems, and therefore progress in geometric infinity.
Thus, a couple can be defined as two people of the same or different sex of two families of origin who establish a link with a project and common objectives to develop as a team and offer the necessary support and motivation in a space that excludes others.
In addition, its members relate to their environment as a couple and, in turn, maintain individual spaces of relationship with themselves and social relationships.
One couple is interdependent: one fraction is shared and dependent and another fraction deals with autonomy spaces.
This description clearly defines the limits of a couple’s consolidation, to which it should be added that both spouses have guidelines, norms, cultures, functions, codes, mandates, values, beliefs, meanings, rituals, styles of emotion and information processing, etc.
This is what each member brings in their luggage, and is willing, with more or less resistance, to exchange and negotiate.
From the synergy of all these components that each contributes to the relationship, a couple will emerge, that is, in the same way as in the process of individualization of the family we go from the being, in the construction of the couple. we went from being to being we are.
What each contributes to the relationship (properties and attributes) forms a couple with their own identity: the identity of the couple.
If a member can have some of their properties in common with their partner, there is usually a complementarity: “You have what I don’t have, I have what you don’t have. “It is in this emotional matrix that the essence of the bond lies.
However, these same differences can be categorized as antagonisms and sources of complaints between the couple over time, for example, features that were never present may be required.
It is a phenomenon derived from individual and conjugal growth, a negative movement that gives rise to discussions and that can lead to disqualifications, aggressions and different types of defenses in which one spouse is discredited by the other, yet where is love in all this??
One of the distinguishing characteristics of human couples compared to other “couples” of animals is love. Numerous authors have tried to define love, romantics, poets, scientists, artists, therapists immersed themselves in this task, using their models to propose different descriptions.
It is true that, like most abstract terms, love is very difficult to explain and more so when rational or logical resources are used.
Trying to translate love with rational meanings and treating it in a totally logical way can give us complications. The biologist Humberto Maturana points out that “love does not have a rational basis, it is not based on a calculation of benefits and benefits, it is not good, is it not a virtue, nor a divine gift, it is simply the field of behaviors that constitutes the other as a legitimate living with one ?.
Love is a feeling that emerges strongly from the bowels of the limbic system. It does not pass through the left hemisphere, rational and logical, although many try to assess what were the characteristics, peculiarities or attitudes that one person fell in love with another.
So, that’s how we think about love, but we think when it’s already established. Or when you doubt it. When we’re not convinced that what we’re feeling is love.
The passionate couple feels and transforms this feeling into coherent and coherent actions. And it’s love, a feeling. Unlike emotion, which is untimely, feeling involves emotional, cognitive and pragmatic variables and a fundamental factor: time, which is responsible for the exercise of the three previous variables.
Although love is sometimes confused with other emotions, being in love is not trapped, intertwined, imprisoned or addicted, they are false conceptions of love, they are feelings and emotions that confuse and originate from psychopathological and dysfunctional bonds.
In love there is always a part of passion, but passion is not an obsession. Passion motivates, obsession is exhausted; Passion fosters passion, obsession with suffocation; passion is enthusiastic, obsession freaks out; passion attracts and obsession provokes rejection.
Basically, therefore, we affirm that love is not a word, but an act. In other words, love does not have a precise definition, but it is defined in pragmatics through actions that involve interactions.
Does a human being translate into gestures, movements, actions, words or phrases?We need to convey this deep affection to others.
A transmission that secretly has the expectation of love reciprocity, relational complementarity, which awakens in the protagonist the knowledge that it is not alone in this company (loving without being loved is one of the most frequent causes of despair).
In addition, this transmission seeks faith in security. Utopian security, because the pursuit of loving security neglects the gift of love to reaffirm the future by hypothesizing it.
This carelessness has uninstioned consequences when the anxious gaze becomes more important, rather than now and during.
When two people meet and a desire for love develops between them, verbal communication is activated. Words flow in harmony, although sometimes fear of rejection blocks this free movement. The phrases are almost poetically found. Even in the slightest histrion, seduction permeates words.
There is a certain cadence in the discourse, a certain tone in the sentences, the gestures change. Mimicry is more subtle and movements slow down, eyes almost close, mouth moves more provocatively and eyes reflect the whole game.
It is a communication complex that tries to captivate and seduce the other to generate a loving union.
The genesis of a good romantic relationship lies, among other things, in being with each other in the same way and with the same freedom as when we are with ourselves.
Neurobiologically, when two people meet, endocrine and biochemical fluids are secreted.
All these alerts accompany the desire to love. Alerts that, if they match, can form a couple.
The growth of the bond, the knowledge of the other in its values, tastes, virtues and defects, generates a complementarity that allows a slow progression towards the formation of a family, if that is the desire of the couple.
The establishment of the relationship reduces the levels of romanticism (both verbal, paraverbal, etc. ), not because the couple is less in love, but because they are at another stage where there is a qualitative variation.
In the romantic period, lovers are eager to fall in love with each other, so they do things that captivate the couple and know what details seduce each other and try to put them on the line.
It is a stage in which both work to ensure the relationship, in addition to the chemicals and instinctive substances that accompany the process.
However, establishing a relationship does not mean that there is nothing else to do, quite the opposite, a relationship requires a work of loving relationship that develops throughout life.
Daily life, routine, work, parenting, uneven evolutionary growth, among others, are attacks on the stability of the relationship.
Love must therefore be worked to continue to create new definitions of love, leading to new actions that generate growth not only for the couple, but for love itself.